She Always Made Home Happy

I came across this poem and thought it was so beautiful and encouraging. I hope you enjoy it as well.

She Always Made Home Happy

In an old church-yard stood a stone

Weather-marked and stained;

The hand of time had crumbled it,

So only part remained.
Upon one side I could just trace

"In memory of our mother";

An epitaph which spoke of home 

Was chiseled on the other.

I've gazed on monuments of fame,

High towering to the skies;

I've seen the sculptured marble stone

Where a great hero lies;

But by this epitaph I paused

And read it o'er and o'er,

For I had never seen inscribed

Such words as these before.

"She always made home happy." 

What a noble record left;

A legacy of memory sweet

To those she loved bereft;

And what a testimony given

By those who knew her best,

Engraven on this plain rude stone

That marked their mother's rest.

So then was stilled her weary heart,

Folded her hands so white,

And she was carried from the home

She'd always made so bright.

Her children raised a monument

That money could not buy,

As witness of a noble life,

Whose record is on high.

A noble life, but written not

In any book of fame;

Among the list of noted ones

None ever saw her name;

For only her own household knew

The victories she had won,

And none but they could testify

How well her work was done.

Author Unknown

A little something to ponder...

I want to have a word with the younger ladies...and maybe a few older ones as well, if it is needed. I have been married for nearly 20 years, and it seems like it has taken many of those precious years for me to realize...it's not all about me.  You heard me right.  When it comes down to it, we are all extremely selfish creatures.  We want everything to go our way. We want what we want and we want it now!  Whether it's the perfect body, beautiful hair, the latest gadgets, our dream home, what the Jones' have, time alone, peace and quiet...You name it, we want it, and most of the time, we think we "deserve" it.  I want us all to stop and ponder...what is our role, our responsibility, in this life? Is it to keep up with the Jones'? Or constantly try and attain that youthful "beauty"?  

From the beginning of time, we (women) have struggled with the desire to have power. You may say, "I don't want to rule over any one."  That may not be the "power" you struggle with.  But what about the "power" to be a goddess?  To have the power over men, to sway their eyes (lust) to your body, to have them "worship" your beauty? No, you may not have the desire to rule over a nation, or "wear the pants" in your family, but what about the desires in your heart?  Are you longing to be a godly Christian wife and mother, or are you secretly wishing for that "perfect" body that you think can have power to turn men's hearts?  Or maybe it's another power you desire.  I don't know what it may be, but I do know, we MUST turn our hearts back to God...back to our homes and our families.

We have wasted too many precious years on ourselves.  We wonder why our homes are in shambles, why "christian" ladies want to focus so much attention on their outward appearance, and their hearts are full rebellion and bitterness.  Yes, I do agree that our society's main focus is on outward appearance, and it is harder in this day and age...we constantly feel as if we are in competition with our bodies...BUT, aren't we supposed to "come out from among them and be ye separate, saith the LORD"... To be in the world, but not of the world.  It's time we start focusing on our hearts...on the things that matter most in life.  One day we are going to wake up and realize that it is too late...we've spent all our life on worldly pursuits, and not focused on the things that REALLY matter.  What IS the chief end of man?  To glorify GOD and enjoy HIM forever!  We are falling for the exact same thing that Eve fell for in the garden...we want to be God, plain and simple.  We are to pursue righteousness, holiness, godliness, contentment.  Are we teaching our children to pursue these things, or are we teaching them to pursue their desires, their dreams, their wants, their lusts?  We need to examine our hearts, our motives.  Are they in accordance with scripture, or are they our own humanistic agenda?  God said if we obey him, he will bless us...if we disobey, he will curse us.  Which is it going to be?

Another area I see running unchecked is jealousy, and it is usually a bigger problem with women than men, and yes, I have struggled with it greatly in the past.  There is a time and a place for everything, and I do believe that there can be a time for righteous jealousy, but what I'm seeing is not and could never be labeled as "godly" jealousy.  It is flat out, "selfish distrust, because we want it all to be about me", jealousy.  What are we teaching our daughters?  Again, we have taken our focus off the prize (the high calling of Jesus Christ) and put the focus on ourselves.  I hate to be the one to break it to you, but jealousy is selfishness at it's core.  The Bible says plain and simple that it's as cruel as the grave.  Think about that for a minute.  To me that says that the person on the receiving end of a jealous wife might as well be put in the grave.  There is no escaping it...no matter what he does, he is never trusted.  Can you even imagine?  Again, we need a complete heart change.  Are our lives bringing glory to Jesus Christ or are we wanting it all for ourselves. When our lives on this earth are past, what will we be remembered for... Just something to ponder. 

Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Having a Wise Heart

I came across this article by Nancy Wilson...wife to pastor Doug Wilson, and thought I would share it with y'all.  It's rather convicting - which is a good thing, btw - So, I thought "Hey! Why should I be the only one under conviction!"  Here you go sisters!

"If you have ongoing anger toward one person in particular, then it’s likely there may be some unconfessed bitterness and resentment toward that person, big or little, young or old. We get resentful over some of the dumbest things. Deal with the bitterness that is lodging in your heart. It’s poisoning everything! It feeds anger and needs anger."

"Don’t take your children’s misbehavior personally. Don’t get into an adversarial relationship with your children. You are the mother; you are in authority over them. Don’t get your feelings hurt when they don’t listen or when they disobey. They are children! That’s what children do!"

Read more here...

A Godly Mother

An excerpt from THE CHRISTIAN MOTHER by John Abbott, 1833

The history of John Newton is often mentioned as a proof of the deep and lasting impression which a mother may produce upon the mind of her child. He had a pious mother. She often retired to her closet, and placing her hand upon his youthful head, implored God's blessing upon her boy. These prayers and instructions sunk deep into his heart. He could not but revere that mother. He could not but feel that there was a holiness in such a character, demanding reverence and love. He could not tear from his heart, in after life, the impressions then produced. Though he became a wicked wanderer, though he forsook friends and home, and every virtue; the remembrance of a mother's prayers, like a guardian angel, followed him wherever he went. He mingled in the most evil and disgraceful scenes of a sailor's life, and while surrounded with guilty associates, in midnight revelry, he would fancy he felt the soft hand of his mother upon his head, pleading with God to forgive and bless her boy. He went to the coast of Africa, and became even more degraded than the savages upon her dreary shores. But the soft hand of his mother was still upon his head, and the fervent prayers of his mother still thrilled in his heart. And this influence, after the lapse of many guilty years, brought back the prodigal, a penitent and a child of God; elevated him to be one of the brightest ornaments of the Christian church, and to guide many sons and daughters to glory. What a forcible comment is this upon the power of maternal influence! And what encouragement does this present to every mother to be faithful in her efforts to train up her child for God! Had Mrs. Newton neglected her duty, had she even been as remiss as many Christian mothers, her son, to all human view, might have continued in sin, and been an outcast from heaven. It was through the influence of the mother that the son was saved. Newton became afterward a most successful preacher of the Gospel, and every soul which he was instrumental in saving, as he sings the song of redeeming mercy, will, through eternity, bless God that Newton had such a mother.

The Mother's Authority

Excerpt taken from The Christian Mother

By John Abbott - 1833

OBEDIENCE is absolutely essential to proper family government. Without this, all other efforts will be in vain. You may pray with, and for your children; you may strive to instruct them in religious truth; you may be unwearied in your efforts to make them happy, and to gain their affection. But if they are in habits of disobedience, your instructions will be lost, and your toil in vain. And by obedience, I do not mean languid and dilatory yielding to repeated threats—but prompt and cheerful acquiescence in parental commands. Neither is it enough that a child should yield to your arguments and persuasions. It is essential that he should submit to your authority.

It is certainly the duty of parents to convince their children of the reasonableness and propriety of their requirements. This should be done to instruct them, and to make them acquainted with moral obligation. But there should always be authority sufficient to enforce prompt obedience, whether the child can see the reason of the requirement or not. Indeed, it is impossible to govern a child by mere argument. Many cases must occur, in which it will be incapable of seeing the reasonableness of the command; and often its wishes will be so strongly opposed to duty, that all the efforts to convince will be in vain.  

The first thing therefore to be aimed at, is to bring your child under total subjection. Teach him that he must obey you. Sometimes give him your reasons; again withhold them. But let him perfectly understand that he is to do as he is bid. Accustom him to immediate and cheerful acquiescence in your will. This is obedience. And this is absolutely essential to good family government. Without this, your family will present one continued scene of noise and confusion; the toil of rearing up your children will be almost intolerable, and, in all probability, your heart will be broken by their future licentiousness or ingratitude.

We come now to the inquiry, HOW is this habit of obedience to be established? This is not so difficult a matter as many imagine. It does not require profound learning, or a mysterious skill, which pertains but to the few. Where do you find the best regulated families? Are they in the houses of the rich? Do the children of our most eminent men furnish the best patterns for imitation? Obviously not. In some of the most humble dwellings we find the beautiful spectacle of an orderly and well regulated family. On the other hand, in the mansions of the wealthiest or most eminent men of our country, we may often find a family of rude girls and ungovernable boys—a picture of wild misrule. It is not greatness of talent, or profound learning, which is requisite to teach a child obedience. The principles by which we are to be guided are very simple and very plain.

Never give a command which you do not intend shall be obeyed!

There is no more effectual way of teaching a child disobedience, than by giving commands which you have no intention of enforcing. A child is thus habituated to disregard its mother; and in a short time the habit becomes so strong, and the child's contempt for the mother so confirmed, that entreaties and threats are alike unheeded.....

Let it be an immutable principle in family government, that your word is law!

I was once, when riding in the country, overtaken by a rain shower, and compelled to seek shelter in a farm house. Half a dozen rude and ungovernable boys were racing about the room, in such an uproar as to prevent the possibility of conversation with the father, who was sitting by the fire. As I, however, endeavored to make some remark, the father shouted out, "Stop that noise, boys."
They paid no more heed to him than they did to the rain. Soon again, in an irritated voice, he exclaimed, "Boys, be still, or I will whip you; as sure as you are alive I will." But the boys, as though accustomed to such threats, screamed and quarreled without intermission.

At last the father said to me, "I believe I have got the worst boys in town; I never can make them mind me."

The fact was, these boys had the worst father in town! He was teaching them disobedience as directly and efficiently as he could. He was giving commands which he had no intention of enforcing—and they knew it! This, to be sure, is an extreme case. But just so far as any mother allows her authority to be disregarded, so far does she expose herself to the contempt of her children—and actually teaches them lessons of disobedience.

I know that some mothers say that they have not time to pay so much attention to their children. But the fact is, that not one-third of the time is required to take care of an orderly family, which is necessary to take care of a disorderly one. To be faithful in the government of your family, is the only way to save time. Can you afford to be distracted and harassed by continued disobedience? Can you spare the time to have your attention called away, every moment, from the business in which you are engaged, by the mischievousness of your willful children?

Evenings with Victoria - Session 9

 

Evenings with Victoria Botkin - Session 9 - Review

(notes taken by Beth Braun)  last session

 

Let's answer a few questions...

Question: Did you have an end goal for each child for "graduation"?

Answer: We didn’t have graduation or even want our kids to think their education was now complete or their time for learning finished… Learning goes on throughout life. My children became too busy doing other things …real- life, work-related things…to sit at the kitchen table any more, and do book work with me.

My ‘school’ turned into ‘the Father’s school’. When my daughters began writing their book, I saw how internalizing their messages became important… The real “end goal” we had for all of them was to have messages--messages from Scripture–-which they felt the Lord wanted them to be teaching to their generation.

Question: I have a 12 year old daughter and, although I have been training her in the ways of managing a home, I do not feel like I have done so in a manner in which I can assess and quantify her skills. I have not had a plan for this and was wondering how you trained and assessed your daughters. Also, we saw the clip of the ceremony you held for Noah when he turned 13 on the Family Discipleship video series. Did you do something similar for your daughters? Can you describe what you did and the criteria you used to determine when to do it (was it based on age, skill level, etc?)

Answer: All I did to help them was to have my daughters help around the house. Nothing formal, such as ‘testing their skills.’ We didn’t ‘test.’ If something like…the bread turned out like a brick or the laundry didn’t get done right and ended up moldy…then the shortcomings became apparent on their own. It’s thinking like a public school teacher, like the government schools, to think you need to be ‘testing.’ Quantification and assessment are things that happen in government school classrooms. We really don’t need to think in those terms when we educate our children at home.

Also, the other part of the question, I think ‘coming of age’ ceremonies are OK. Just think about the messages and vision to convey and you what to accomplish with it. Remember, you are communicating not only to your daughter but the others invited also.

Question: My mother has a habit of gossiping and spreading unfavorable information about others, especially family members. I am a grown woman, a wife and mother, and yet I feel stuck between showing her respect and honor, and lovingly challenging her when she slips into gossip. It hurts me very much when she speaks ill of one of my siblings, or nieces and nephews. I have the sense that she also gossips to each of them about me. Would it be right from a biblical perspective, for me to speak to my mother about this gossip habit?

Answer: This is a challenging situation but it can be done with respect and honor. Tell your mother these things. Share verses on slander with her, like some I shared last week. It will be awkward and hard, but I can’t make it easier for you, tell you an easy solution—only you know the best way to approach your own mother. It will be difficult, but don’t let that stop you. Pray. Do be sure to communicate to your mother how much you love her and appreciate all she has done for you, all these years, as your mother.
Get your husband’s counsel, as to what he thinks you should do.

Question: We attend a church that consists of many families with many young children. Sunday school starts at 9:30. The morning service is generally over between noon and 12:30 and then we have lunch on the grounds, followed by an afternoon service from 1:30-2:30. My 4 children are 7, 5, 3 and 1… Release of energy for the boys is needed after the services, but then when the boys get together…War starts…Feelings begin to get hurt and unkind things are said. Animosity actually develops and the kids carry this home and complain about how "mean" or "unfair" the other "team" is. We agree with you in theory about our children not needing to play with other children their own age. We have seen the "fool" in practice. All of the children begin following the "lowest common denominator" as far as behavior is concerned. What should we do?

Answer: Here’s what my husband had to say, since this problem is not really in my jurisdiction, which is restricted to Titus 2:3-5. (It’s a church problem for the men to deal with-- pass this on to the other husbands.) First off…it’s the men who need to build the culture of the home, the church and the community. They need to talk about the strategy in the times you are together. How to manage things to be orderly—like intermissions between the meetings, instructions for kids or activities... What are children learning about the tone of the Sabbath day? Is war OK? Is unsupervised play OK? Perhaps the older men could teach them things. The men of the church need to consider what are the right activities for discipling the flock right now with the present needs of the body, and they need to be making continual adjustments to the culture of church activities.

Question: I have a question about something you mentioned a few sessions ago. You said you and your girls taught yourselves how to modulate your voices. How did you do this? I can't seem to find
very much about how to do this, on the internet.

Answer: We didn’t take speech classes or have speech coaches or professional training. We just tried to sound more caring, sensible, considerate, not like snarky valley girls. Reading a lot out loud would help make us listen to our voices, which we wanted to make sound better. We learned through trial and error.

Question: Mine is about whether or not Mom should/might need 'a break.' You mentioned one week that Moms should rest (take a nap) in order to serve more. What about resting from responsibility? Or a mental health break? My mom struggled with depression 30 years ago when she raised her 4 kids and her doctor prescribed one day off a week for her. She put us with a babysitter and took the day to window shop or just be away from responsibility. She and my dad are concerned about me and want to provide money for us to use to pay for a break for me. My husband is fine with using our financial resources for babysitting if we need to, but he's not convinced that we need to. He and I are very familiar with managing my sadness; he's been with me through all of my struggles with depression. I'm not sure what I think. My power verse lately has been Matthew 11:28-30. I'm asking God to show me his yoke, because I so often take on too much. I struggle with cleaning house, meals, laundry - every time I get a handle on things, our family outgrows my skills. When Matthew (the baby) was born, I thought that they only way to make life easier - or possible - was to stop homeschooling or stop having babies. And those are the two things I am convicted to do! And as for having more babies, my parents will certainly be supportive and welcoming to future babies, but my mom has told me that I am busy enough. The thought of getting pregnant is completely overwhelming! We are in the middle of taking two weeks off from school (as you suggested one week) in order to train the children to do more of the household chores. Most of the first week was filled with discipline and then we worked on pots and pans. We have decided to slowly bring school back - we need longer than two weeks to learn our chores. I want life to feel possible…

Answer: You do need to take care of your health so you do have something to give. But listen to your husband the most for advice. I think there should be a way to take care of yourself, as your mother says…without going the babysitter and window shopping route. You know, as a wife and mother, I had struggled with many of the same trials. But I really don’t think that an escape from responsibility is a Biblical answer.

You feel like you are taking on too much? Why don’t you try eliminating some of those things you have taken on that you called “too much”, that make you feel overwhelmed, like birthday shopping or wedding showers. Think, are these extra things I’m doing really essential? Psalm 34:14 “Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.” Much of the hurry and scurry, hustle and bustle of 21st century life can be eliminated for our life. Streamline things for yourself like I said before. I think it would be wiser to hire someone to come in and help you with the housekeeping, than to hire a babysitter and leave the children.

Psa 63:5-8 “My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.” Meditate on the Word—This would renew you more than window shopping.

Prov 29:17 “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” My husband used to remind me of this verse. If the kids were not delighting me, well, I wasn’t disciplining them…which was true. Something I would teach my kids to have was some ‘library time’. Library time meant everyone sitting still, looking at books…no talking…no horseplay. It does take a time investment, but it’s worth it. Some train babies with ‘blanket time’, too. I’m not saying that you can never be away from your children, but they are so valuable, and such a sacred responsibility--given to you by God--that it seems like spending time away from them should be your last resort.

Let me tell you about a friend whose husband died while she was pregnant with their 5th child. Did she feel overwhelmed! Her doctor father put her on tranquilizers, then she needed ‘treatment’ for depression. Her situation was very, very hard, but when Jerry was born, it got worse...but then… She felt really bad that not only did her children not have a daddy…it was almost like they didn’t have a mommy either. And she knew this was not right. So one day, she just decided that she had to stop being depressed…she willfully CHOSE to be happy by… First, she dropped the anti-depressant drugs. She just started looking for things to thank the Lord for and she decided to obey the commands to rejoice, even though she didn’t feel happy, and she made herself smile. She told me that when she determined in her heart to be glad in the Lord, and be thankful…and started working at it, it was like that broke the cycle of her being continually down and depressed, and she really did start to come out of it. Yes, this is a “non-medical opinion”, but it was her real experience! Thinking on things true and honest and just and pure and lovely and of good report (Phil 4:8) helped. Thinking like it says in this verse-- Rom 8:6 “The mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace.” Set your mind on Him, His faith, kindness, mercy, etc.—it brings life and peace! So, believing God, and obeying his commands to rejoice and give thanks, even though she didn’t feel like it, broke the cycle of her depression and cured her of her depression a thing none of the medications or counselors had been able to do!

Let’s go over a summary of the last 8 weeks, the high points:

1). First we saw in Genesis, Eve’s rebellion and what she really was wanting: Gen 3:5 “…when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." What Eve wanted was the freedom to make her own rules, and not be bound by God’s rules. It’s not like “total rebellion”, turning your back on God and being a Christian…just WE want to be the ones to decide what is
wrong and what is right…and what is the right way for Christians to behave…instead of following what God’s Word says. Lots of the questions sent in by you ladies are summed up by this. Just obey God’s rules not make up our own. We need to read and study the Bible to know what God thinks…not the ladies at church or whoever else, and teach our kids the importance of doing the same.

As for the men get to run things, women are relegated to the back seat idea… Men are to be the judges in the gates, be in authority. But women in the Bible, beginning with Eve, are seen as VERY influential, from Bible times even to today! Think about Sarahs influence: war to this day between the descendants of Hagar and her son Isaac! Her good idea, well because it didn’t look like the Promise of God would literally happen through her… Bad idea, God didn’t need Sarah's help. And so to this day, Sarahs ‘good idea’… Look at the influence of Delilah…All of Solomon's wives. Jezebel on King Ahab. Women are very influential … with their men…for good or evil. That’s why Scripture was so explicit that God’s people were not to marry foreign wives--for good reason…

2). On a positive note, we have these verses about Sarah. 1 Peter 3:4-6 “let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.” The paradox: Sarah has gone down in history, not only as the woman who brought about a state of almost perpetual warfare in the Middle East, but also as a model to us of a holy woman who hoped in God.

Submission is not a sign of weakness, or spinelessness or doormat-ish-ness. Actually it is a sign of great strength, and submission results in great influence with our husbands. Children are to obey: Col 3:20 “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” Submission or subjection is different than obedience. Submission means getting on board with your husband, and cooperating with him in his plan or goal or vision, rather than opposing or fighting him…so you are getting to use your creativity and intelligence! You submit even if you do not want to because it’s the RIGHT thing to do. When you refuse to submit to your husband, it is really God whom you are rebelling against.

3). The difference between apologizing for something and seeking forgiveness: We must know the difference because it’s necessary to maintain loving and close relationships. James 5:16 “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” Admit that you’ve sinned against—ADMIT the wrong, don’t just say “sorry”…which shifts the blame in a way.

A real confession consists of four things:
1. Identifying and stating what you did that was sin, and admitting that it was wrong
2. Saying you are sorry you did it
3. Asking the other party to forgive you
4. Saying you won’t do it again, or that you are trying to overcome this habit, in other words…repenting and making right the wrong, according to Scriptural principles of restitution, if that applies in your situation.

This is such an important verse: Prov 28:13 “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.” Model biblical repentance for your kids’ sake! We all sin, stumble, etc., but help them learn not to hide sin but confess and forsake it!

Find the right balance as a Proverbs 31 woman. This is a good principle in Luke 10:41-42 “But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her." If we mothers spend all of our time cleaning, and organizing and decorating…and none of our time teaching our children to love the lord our God and fear Him, and tremble at His word…we have not chosen the good portion.

Homes shouldn’t be our focus, though they are a base of operations for us, a means to an end but not the end themselves. Managing our households in such a way that we can live on our husband's income (and being thankful and content with it) is one of the most important ways we can help him.

4). Love characterizes us as Christians. John 13:35 “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." 1 John 4:8 “Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:20 “If anyone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not
seen.”

Take a long, good look to see if we really are Christians or not. 2 Cor 13:5 “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?--unless indeed you fail to meet the test!” Is your life characterized by love--love of your husband, children, other believers, unbelievers. Are you characterized by love—or enslaved by sin—and I’m not talking about the occasional slip-ups. What I’m saying is that you should examine yourself, if you seem to be unable to love your family, to see whether you are in the faith, like 2 Cor 13:5 says.

Saying the sinner’s prayer, growing up in a Christian home, making an altar call…doesn’t mean you are a Christian. Matt 7:21 "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” A Christian is characterized by a desire to please God. A desire to please God results in a love of the Word of God, obedience to the Word of God, and a love of God’s people.

Now, of course we know that our obedience is not what saves us--Eph 2:8 “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God…” BUT as a result of our salvation, our lives will be very different than before. 2 Cor 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” A Christian will be characterized by these things--Gal 5:22-24 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” Can you say these things characterize your life? Examine yourself. Acts 16:30-31 "Sirs, what must I do to be saved?" And they said, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household."

5). We can help our husbands by trying to be easy to love…by trying to be lovable. Several qualities they find attractive—respect your your husband, showing gratitude for supporting us with all his hard work, our cheerfulness, faith,and joy make us attract…and glorify the Lord! Our enthusiasm in doing things with our whole heart. We should speak words of life, healing… Eph 4:29 “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouths, but only such a word as is good for building up, according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.” This should be our guide for our speech—words that give grace to the hearer.

6). What is an appropriate way for a Christian woman to look, and put herself together”--hair, make-up, jewelry, clothing.  Beauty is an attribute of God that we should desire to reflect in ourselves. We honor our husbands by trying to look nice --well-kept and well-dressed. To men, the main thing that makes women pretty is a pleasant expression: a happy, friendly, eager to please expression. Looking attractive is something we do to please our husbands and families. In our hair, as in our dress and in our mode of life, we need to be distinct from men. This is God’s will. And we should delight in this! God commands us to look like women, distinct from men.

7). We talked about loving our children by how we educate them. The Bible talks a lot about training them. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 is our great manifesto. This is our instruction on how to home school.

Deut 6:4-9 "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

This verse tells us why and how and when we should educate our children. We—not others—are commanded to teach to them to love the Lord with all their heart and soul and mind and strength. How and why and when: diligently as we go through life together. We teach our children to love God by expressing our own love of God, often and fervently. We must love God. When you read the Bible to your children, you must communicate awe and reverence. The way we express our attitude towards God and His word is everything. This is how we disciple our children. We should see everything, and teach our children to see everything, in relation to God and His word—for this whole world is God’s world…science, history, fine arts, etc., all subjects covered! Education is something that happens as you go through life together with your children.

8). James 5:16 “The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” Many have asked for advice in difficult situations—my only suggestion is to pray. Matt 7:7-11 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”

9). The world’s wisdom is contrary to God’s wisdom. 1 Cor 1:20 “Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?” What the world calls ‘problems’ really can be blessings from God. ‘ADD kids’ that the world labels and drugs… But most of our “difficult” children don’t have a disorder at all…they have a gift! A gift from the Lord!

Titus 2:3-5 is our home verse—Read it again. Titus 2:3 “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” We’ve touched on these things.

Last thing I have to say: what’s the most important thing we need to learn… Gal 4:3 “In the same way we also, when we were children, were enslaved to the elementary principles of the world.” Some women are still enslaved like this, as they were raised with public school, in a non-Christian home, etc. We need our minds renewed. Rom 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

How do we do this? Here’s how--Eph 5:25 “Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.” The Word of God is what cleanses us and sanctifies us. We need to stop letting the world influence us. The Bible is the solution. All life’s problems are in there—with answers. We don’t need pseudo-sciences like psychology. We need to get to the place where we realize that the Bible has the answers to our problems and we need to get to the place where we can find those answers.

Don’t just read through your chapters, or have your selective devotional readings. Do more than just look at the Bible—study it! Use a computer Bible program; it’s a good reason to get a computer if you don’t have one! There are two good free programs—Blue Letter Bible, which is online, or the E-sword one you can download and use just on your computer. I used them to do word searches to learn all sort of things about these topics so things became so clear! Or you can use something like pen and paper with a Nave’s Topical Bible, and a Strong’s Concordance…however, when you use a computer program, it’s10X as fast to do your studies! Good tools are the best luxury. A Bible program on your computer is absolutely one of the most valuable tools in existence, maybe one of the most valuable tools in history. We Moms don’t have much time but we so desperately need to have Bible literacy. Study topics…like on God’s sovereignty. Study, really study, not just read. Be prepare to make a defense: hope that’s within you (v.) 1 Pet 3:15 “but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect…” Both Bible programs will help you do this. 2 Tim 2:15 “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.” To help you rightly handle…these tools will help immensely. Teach your kids to use them. It’s fun! Guide them in looking for answers. This is a thing that is good (Titus 2:4)…teaching yourself and teaching your children to use these very valuable Bible study tools.

A life-changing verse for me was in the story about Joseph. You know it… Gen 50:16-19 “So they sent a message to Joseph, saying, "Your father gave this command before he died, 'Say to Joseph, Please forgive the transgression of your brothers and their sin, because they did evil to you.' And now, please forgive the transgression of the servants of the God of your father." Joseph wept when they spoke to him. His brothers also came and fell down before him and said, "Behold, we are your servants." But Joseph said to them, "Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.”

Joseph understood God’s sovereignty in his situation. Even if people plot evil against us…even if they actually DO evil against us…God can use it for good. Rom 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.”

It was God’s plan to move Jacob’s family to Egypt. It was to preserve them as a distinct people. They had begun to intermarry and intermingle with the heathen in Canaan, so He moved them where…they were looked down on as shepherds by the Egyptians, so they were no longer intermarrying. They were forced to keep to themselves, be set apart—which was a good thing! God wants the same for us. This is something we should think about, as Christians, because God wants us to be distinct from the world, too.

We need to trust God blindly with a child-like faith, like this verse says, Job 13:15 “Though he slay me, I will hope in Him…” Joseph hoped in God all those years, like he said in Gen 50:20,”You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.” Human events DON’T thwart God’s plan! Rom 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” We need to trust Him for this!

I want to thank God…it’s God’s grace that gave these things to me to share with you…for all these evenings, to God goes all the glory. Gen 32:10 “I am not worthy of the least of all these mercies, and of all the truth, which thou hast shown thy servant…”

If you’re interested, our family will participating in the Vision Forum Baby Conference. http://www.visionforumministries.org/events/bc/ Someone asked in a letter, how to go without the money and all the kids. Well, there are accommodations for families, but you can also get the sessions on DVD's. It’s just…they don’t record all the great fellowship we have in the hallways between the sessions! I really don’t like…that they come to end. To think heaven will be like sharing these times…the fellowship will never end….!!!

Goodbye…until we meet again. May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you all… Amen.

Evenings with Victoria - Session 7

Evenings with Victoria Botkin - Session 7 - Loving your children

(notes taken by Beth Braun) 

Today is a special day for me, as my 4th son was born this night many years ago—the one who makes my Power Points for these sessions!

Question: My Mother-in-law and sister- in-law and went in to get me a gift certificate to the beauty salon for my birthday. When I called the girl at the salon to tell her I only wanted the haircut, she asked “Did you know they purchased color for you?” This was my initial suspicion when I first received the gift. My hair is no longer red, it is going white. I am 49. I believe in going counter-culture and not coloring my hair but my mother-in-law colors hers. I can’t politely thank her, then stuff the gift in the closet and get rid of it later as getting my hair colored is part of the package. I don’t need to be hip, so what do I do?

Answer: Well, ask your husband what he thinks. Victoria remembers she would run into people when she had a bunch of little kids all around her who would be making ungracious comments to her like, “Oh, you’re pregnant AGAIN?”… Her way of taking the wind out of their sails would be by telling them what a blessing it is to be pregnant again. Let people know you love your hair ‘this way, the way it is’, you wouldn’t dream of coloring it, AND your husband likes it that way! Joy and enthusiasm over your situation (whatever it is) are your best defense against snide remarks. Don’t let your in-laws dictate what you do, if your husband likes it that way…

Question: I home school my children and am with them for the entire day, but I am quite unsure of how much free time to allow them… the amount of time they should be spending by themselves playing outside, reading alone, playing with friends…

Answer: So, they’re fighting you and not wanting to work… You need to work with your children to train them to obey you quickly, quietly, completely and cheerfully. This is your 1st resort! Look at these verses in Proverbs: Prov 13:24 “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” Prov 22:15 “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.” Prov 29:17 “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” (I’d add also, Prov 19:18, “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.”) The seeming paradox: Spanking wins their hearts? It does for children who are consistently and lovingly made to obey, love and respect their parents. Kids appreciate boundaries and it’s a relief to them to show we love them by setting limits when they don’t know better.

And playing with friends—who are their friends and what are they doing when they are together? Do they play for the better or are they corrupting your kids? Prov 13:20 “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Even if they are family friends, keep an eye out on what they are doing together. Children don’t seem to bring out the best in each other, most of the time. Your job is to seek out good companions, which are usually older than your kids. The neighborhood kids can undermine your home school and your family by their actions. My old friends from school weren’t really friends—they did me no good at all, they were just people…to hang with. Your children do not need companions their own age to hang out with; they need wise companions. There is no reason to limit your child’s friends to people his age—this is an artificial thing we learned in public school. Older kids wouldn’t dare hang out with younger kids, younger kids wouldn’t hang out with you because you were older, so you learned to be stuck with those your age. You learned to be segregated in your friendships by both younger and older kids in school ostracizing you. In my house, my kids had few friends, but what was important was that her sons and daughters were best friends with each other!

As for free time… Giving your children free time is very important, if your they know how to use it well by being productive in their use of time—doing things like reading, playing the piano, useful things. If she saw one kid using their free time productively, she would look for another helper to do work for her—like the one not using time productively by fighting, getting in trouble. No brainless toys were brought home. I was careful in what I brought home for the children to play with…I avoided toys or games that were going to take a lot of my time to manage. Everything we had for our children to do was useful or educational. For example, we had a Game Boy once that was returned—for me as a mom, it was a pain to manage the children’s time on it, what they were actually doing on it, was it really a productive use of their time…so we got rid of it. We had lots of things like art supplies, books to read, piano to play, sewing machine and stuff for it, blankets to make tents, wood for building projects, legos, geography games, Pictionary. All our to-do stuff for kids during free time helped them learn things. Are you being productive?--Think this way about your free time. A question Geoff would often ask the children was: “Are you using the Lord’s time well?” And constant activity isn’t always productive—like just keeping the kids busy with workbooks.

Victoria is quite satisfied with her kids’ education with all they did and are doing. “I consider our home school experience a great success!” I’m not nearly as good teaching myself to do new things as my kids are!

Tonight now we’re going to talk about loving our children… especially as that relates to educating them. Learn to analyze everything—like education--from a Scriptural standpoint. Scripture absolutely talks about how to educate our children. Not ‘how to teach’ subjects like math, geography, but well, we’ll start off tonight by talking about what education is, and what it isn’t…

What it isn’t… is ‘school.’ When I say ‘home school’, I really mean home education, not ‘school.’ School means a whole truckload of stuff—as it’s an American experience. Our collective history, nostalgic experiences of childhood, the open doors of opportunity to learn things never knows before… Maybe your parents couldn’t read, so… At first education began by churches, to disciple children. Yet a ‘classroom’ is not in Scripture. The classroom model most of us grew up with…is not a Biblical model. Though the Pioneers and Pilgrims did it, if not enough adults were around to teach the kids, classroom teaching is not in the Bible. Our fuzzy memories should not be confused with the school of today—the government school today is NOT like the Founder’s little red schoolhouse. We should not confuse school with education. We are stuck with a big bunch of presuppositions about school and how to teach our children, and what to teach our children…as a result of our school experience.

Generally there’s not much difference usually between Christian private and government schools as they both have a lot of government regulation to deal with. When most of us go about starting to home school, we fall back on what we know about school… and we try to recreate it. School months? Use them to buy your materials on specials and stock up! As for desks, school clothes, saying the pledge before class, having a teacher desk up front— We do not need to recreate our school experience when we set about to educate our children at home. All we end up with is home school burnout. It’s horribly hard to do ‘school’ this way—I would call it abuse to make them sit at a desk all that time!

“The decisive dynamics which make forced schooling poisonous to healthy human development aren't hard to spot. Work in classrooms isn't significant work; it fails to satisfy real needs pressing on the individual; it doesn't answer real questions experience raises in the young mind; it doesn't contribute to solving any problem encountered in actual life. The net effect of making all schoolwork external to individual longings, experiences, questions, and problems is to render the victim listless. ..Growth and mastery come only to those who vigorously self-direct. Initiating, creating, doing, reflecting, freely associating, enjoying privacy-- these are precisely what the structures of schooling are set up to prevent, on one pretext or another.”--John Taylor Gatto, in The Underground History of American Education I highly recommend reading this book!

Deuteronomy 6 is one of the most magnificent passages of the Bible. Read it over and over and write it on your doorposts! It’s hard to read it without choking up…

Deut 6:4-9 "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

Deuteronomy 6 tells us why and how and when to home school.

Why do we home school? We home school because we are commanded by God to teach our children to love the Lord their God with all their hearts and soul and might…. Who else will possibly do that for us?

How do we teach our children to love God? We interpret God to our kids in a way—if we love God, marvel at Him and His creation, enjoy His Word…or if we find Him…boring, it’s a tedious duty obeying Him… We teach our children to love God by expressing our own love of God to them often and fervently. WE must love God.

How did we learn to love God? Mark 12:29-31 “Jesus answered, "The most important is, 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these." I prayed God would help me learn to love Him—when I first got saved and over the years even until now.

We also demonstrate to our children our love for God by our obedience to His word: John 14:15 "If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” John 14:23-24 "If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. Whoever does not love me does not keep my words…” We don’t obey to be saved, it is clear: Eph 2:8-9 “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” We want to obey God because we love Him and we eagerly seek out new things in the Word to obey simply because we love Him.

How do we read the Bible to our kids? Do we read it in a dull, flat, bored voice…or with emotion and feeling? (She reads as an example, Gen 1:1-3—“In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.”) When we read the Bible to our children, we must communicate awe and reverence. If the kids and I are raring to go outside on a beautiful spring day…do I read the word…dutifully…so we can finally get out there…or do you have enthusiasm when you read the word together before you go outside? The attitude we express towards God and His word is everything…this is how we disciple our children.

Teach your kids to notice and appreciate God’s creation. Rom 1:19 “For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.” Help them to learn to appreciate creation so they learn to love Him who created it. Teach them to look at things….to really see them…to notice things, the details… Psa 145:16 “Thou openest thine hand, and satisfiest the desire of every living thing.” Explain why God made things this way. OK, maybe you’re saying you don’t know this stuff—well, find out about it together—this is what education is all about. Take a nature walk, go collecting things, identify what you find, sketch stuff, use field guides. Has TV dulled us to the beauties of the world around us?
This is education…this is part of Deuteronomy 6, to teach when you sit, walk, lie down, rise…

Next, we see that we are to teach our children diligently. Deut 6:7 “You shall teach them diligently…” You have to make it happen, watch over and shepherd them. Teaching them to love the Lord their God is something that goes hand in glove with teaching them to read, teaching them to count, teaching them science, teaching them history…because this world which we are teaching them about…is God’s world! This is what education is…this is what it should be: teaching our children about God and His world and His dealings with men. There is no distinction between secular and sacred things, no neutral things in this world, either. We should see everything, and teach our children to see everything, in relation to God and His word. In Deuteronomy 6 we see that education is happening all the time. Doing workbooks all the time is most assuredly NOT teaching! Read things, do them together, talk about things. For example, how did you teach your kids to talk? You just did it—taught them like it says in Deuteronomy 6: you talked to them when they rose up and lay down and in the way…and they learned to talk! And English is one of the most difficult languages in the world to learn! Education is not just between ages 6-18, or from 9-3pm. Education is something that is happening to our children as they go through life with their parents...in the things they read and do together, and in talking about these things. Education is something that happens as you go through life together with your children.

You know what, you really don’t know enough to teach. Even if you have a Ph.D. from Harvard, you never will know enough. You CAN’T do it. You can never know everything there is that your children will need to know! So, teach them to teach themselves, learn for themselves; it takes the burden off your back. You may have an ignorant public school education, but you can learn with your kids if you don’t know things they want to learn! You can learn with your children! (Her kids loved doing this with her!) Rather than making lesson plans ahead of time so you can teach the kids…do it together so you learn together. You’re not putting on a front, pretending to be the teacher when…you really don’t know the things you’re supposed to be teaching. If you find yourself not understanding something, Mom, one of your children may end up explaining it to you! Shouldn’t we be interested in everything God made and all that He has said and done? Get interested in the things that interest your children. If you’re more interested in say, shopping or scrapbooking or quilting (I say this because I quilt!) as more important than being interested in the Lord and his creation, something’s wrong. Dinosaurs, Roman soldiers, volcanoes—this is boy’s stuff that they were interested in—she was interested in it too because she loved her children.

The Greek model (‘classroom’) can be an effective way to teach a large group, but it’s just not for young kids. It is your responsibility to teach them to love God, not the Sunday School teacher’s or the youth pastor’s. We can entrust others to teach our children some things. But be careful, as they may have an agenda—so stay there with your child until you are sure of what the teacher is about.

As for testing…some states do this to home schoolers. I say if a 1st grade or high school senior in your public schools can’t read—don’t expect me to hold to your testing standards! But if your home schooled kid can’t—you may get in trouble. Use the tests then to teach your kids how to think about the things that are on them from a Biblical standpoint—like the environmental stuff.

So what do children need to know? Some parents never really think about this. It’s different for every family. You and your husband should spend time talking this over and praying about this together. You should find out what is his vision for the kids’ future—what he sees as their gifts and strengths for their future vocations. If you have a family business, how they fit in. Wives can do a lot to encourage their husbands to think about these kinds of things by a few well-asked questions—with the right attitude.

Our children are to be ambassadors of the Lord, disciple makers, so they need to know the Scripture well. 2 Tim 2:15 “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.” Do a lot of reading and memorizing Scripture. Children CAN memorize whole books of the Bible. I tried to do memory verse cards which got chaotic with all the kids, the disorganization caused them problems in memorizing anything…so we gave that up.

They must know how to read and write well. Reading and writing are the foundation of our children’s entire education. Reading aloud to your children is probably the single most important thing you can do to teach them to love learning. We read a lot in our house, morning to evening. Not just reading or reading to but reading with. One of best investments we made: beyond helping them learn to love books, it strengthened our relationships…because we had shared something. Because we did it together and shared our thoughts about what’s read. Older kids can listen while sewing or doing projects, too. Try it. You may not be an out-loud reader, but practice helps you learn to do it.

If they can’t teach reading in public school well, how can I… People are afraid of teaching reading. The reason why the public schools fail is because the system departed from teaching phonics. Teaching reading is not hard; you can do it! There were no computers or state-certified reading specialists for thousands of years...and many in the old days learned to read by just using the Bible. Professionals have made a bogeyman out of reading so you think you need a trained professional to teach it. The best resource for teaching reading that I ever encountered is Alphaphonics by Samuel Blumenfeld. It’s available from Chalcedonstore.com All it requires is a child, a copy of Alphaphonics, and someone to be the teacher. I used this simple book for all my kids.

We didn’t just learn phonics on ‘school days’—we even learned on weekends. You know, we never made it to the end of the book, not with any of the kids, because once they got the basics down, they wanted to read real books then. You can make your own phonics readers, make your own kids’ stories if you want, or let the kids make their own easy reader books. Frog and Toad ones, Little Bear ones were good early readers they found; the non-fiction ones we liked best. Learning the sounds of the letters—putting the sounds together to make words takes longer, but this is real reading. Reading out loud this way at first can be agonizingly slow, but be patient and help them.

Learning to write. When young, she self-taught her children on dotted-line paper how to form letters which they then copied. The nice hand writers of her kids learned by copying her, not the special writing books. Most people use computers now, but they need to learn how to write anyway. The thing that really teaches children to write well is practice.

I would have my kids keep a journal at first, and give them ideas for what to write about. Have them copy misspellings from a separate paper—don’t correct on their journal pages, let them correct themselves. Let them leave their errors and watch them progressing, but talk about the errors and what they need to change and it will happen. One of the things I hoped to teach them, in keeping a journal, was to appreciate the importance of everyday life. Are some days boring? We need to be training our children to see God’s blessings on us every day….this is one of the most important lessons of all!

Like around age 10 my boys did encyclopedia reports, one a day, on what they thought interesting. How I taught my daughters to write…I had them write me a one-page summary of what they had read that day for history. (The girls were around12 & 14.) They would read the assignment then hit their notebook and realize they didn’t remember a thing and have to go re-read it. It helped them figure out to read and remember it the first time around. What was the importance of this? It taught them, not just how to write, but how to be better readers. It taught them to analyze…to read critically…not just to memorize facts. Have you seen what they blog? I often get asked, how did you teach them to write? Well, now you know.

How did you find suitable books for your children to read?...

Well…some Christian authors are better avoided I find. Some non-Christian ones are OK. I found books written in the 1940’s and 1950’s are much more likely to be usable than books written in the1970’s and 1980’s. One way to solve the problem of questionable books: read the book aloud together if you’re not sure of it and verbally edit or just chuck it if the book gets really bad. Little House book series is her favorite. Just remember, no book but the Bible is perfect…and this is an important lesson in itself. What about the Little House TV show? The one time we watched it, she remembers Laura and Mother were acting completely out of character with the book, so… Henty and Ballantyne books are good reads. It’s better to read a few excellent books, again and again, than to read a wide variety of mediocre books. Another advantage to reading books aloud, is that you can read books that are probably too advanced for your children. You can explain as you go, which makes it even more educational!

Just to mention, we didn’t use textbooks at all except for math—which was the Saxon math series. Algebra 1 wasn’t fun for her, as she didn’t understand it, so…the kids began figuring out the math for themselves. Your kids’ future determines how high the math they need…. The point being, if, for some reason, one of my children needs Calculus later…well, they know how to read, they know how to teach themselves, so they can learn it when and if they need it! And all the computer programming, music abilities, etc., they know were taught to her kids not by her but by themselves! This is what it means to be an educated person: being able to teach yourself whatever you need to know.

Studying science: Many moms don’t think it’s exciting. We were taught, you know, things evolved, we’re just accidents, there’s no meaningful design, we’re just part of a great meaningless existence. Why should or would we be interested in studying something that is devoid of meaning? But…studying this earth we live on, and the sun and moon, and stars, and the weather, and the seasons, and all the creatures and plants of God’s creation, and how they all interact …is something completely different…this is something that is extremely interesting! For example, if your son sees the sun’s rising and is not asking why, then ask him about it…and if you don’t know why it’s rising, look things up together. These are interesting mysteries…and the answers are marvels…

The World Book encyclopedia is a great resource…it contains the answers to many of your child’s questions. Getting a brand-new set is not necessary, you can use an older one. Field guides for identification are good resources. Try collecting specimens and watching things in nature. Usbourne science books don’t have a creation perspective--you add it in--but they are good resources. Answers in Genesis and Institute for Creation Research have many good books from the creationist standpoint.

Teach your children to have an enquiring mind. Your child needs to learn to notice and appreciate the wonders around us. This is part of worshipping God…Scripture is full of passages that teach us to appreciate the creation: Psalm 111:2 “Great are the works of the LORD, they are studied by all who take delight in them.” Psalm 8:3-9 “When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet, all sheep and oxen, and also the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea, whatever passes along the paths of the seas. O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!”

I think we can help our children have a more reverent and worshipful attitude by having one ourselves. Stop a few times a day, just a minute, to praise the Lord. Psalm 56:6-7 “Oh come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the LORD, our Maker! For he is our God, and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand.” There are no formulas to be a better Christian, but taking opportunities to give thanks will revolutionize your life. Psalm 50:23 “The one who offers a sacrifice of thanksgiving honors Me; to the one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of God!"

Teaching history: It’s my favorite subject! I hated history in school and the textbooks. There is a shortage of good ones written for kids. Reading the Bible is a good introduction to the history of the past for little ones. Start teaching history from the present and work back to introduce the past. A good way to start introducing the concept of the past to young children is have Grandmother and Grandfather tell the child how life was when they were young. The Little House books also a good introduction to help to connect with real people back then. Old Yeller is good also.

Do I have a favorite author of historical fiction? Well…often historical fiction writers impose modern attitudes and speech on actual history. Most historical fiction then is suspect. One author shines. Our favorite children’s non-fiction history books were by Genevieve Foster. Her books on George Washington, Caesar, Columbus and John Smith are excellent. She never put words in her subject’s mouths, but only wrote what they actually said, so the books are truthful. She does not make up dialog for the people in her books. The things her books say are all based on true accounts of other people who heard them say it, or written accounts. Most historical fiction puts words in their characters’ mouths that they did not actually say but are modern takes on what the authors think, not historical facts. Foster was not necessarily biblical but good in that way.

Authors tend to take history and sanitize it for kids, so there’s not much left to say, as some history is so complicated, it’s better to leave it until a child is old enough to understand all the factors and motives involved. One of my favorite history books is Paul Revere’s Ride, by David Hackett Fisher. Make history come to life—the books written for older kids, adults, books like the Little House series, Foster’s books; read real non-fiction history books! Read about people from history. My kids read all over, not necessarily in chronological, historical order but they did put history together themselves and figured it out. Take advantage of the teachable moment. When they want to know something…is the best time to tell them.

I forgot to mention that with math, I always corrected wrong answers.

I gave the kids lots of freedom to study what interested them. I didn’t use a scope and sequence. You might say, but what if they miss something they need to learn? Well, don’t YOU have ‘gaps’ in your learning even though you went to public school? Get serious...

In summary: Talk and pray with your husband about your children’s education, dig in with your whole heart and take one day at a time. Wondering how it will all work out? Trust…“God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:19)--as you step out in faith. Matt 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Phil 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

Evenings with Victoria - Session 3

Evenings with Victoria Botkin - Session 3 - Proverbs 31 woman

(notes taken by Beth Braun)

 

Her husband’s mother had her 90th BD. Her mother-in-law was married at 32. Had her first baby within the year, then became pregnant right away again. Her doctor thought it was a bad idea to have a baby so soon, especially since she once had rheumatic fever which weakened her heart. The doctor advised her to have a ‘therapeutic abortion’ for her health. She said no, and…the pregnancy and labor went fine. Both she and the baby were OK. This baby ended up being…Victoria’s husband, Jeff! And after this, despite her ‘weak heart’, she had 2 more babies, for 4 children total…Victoria is very grateful to her mother-in-law for choosing to have Jeff, her husband, and not aborting him.

Let’s answer a few questions first:

Question: I know I should be submissive, and I think I am, but my husband says I’m not.

Answer: Perhaps you say you are but in heart you are not. In your heart are you resentful? You are respectful outwardly in words and actions but not in heart. Eph 5:23 says, “But as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their husbands in everything.” Examine yourself and see if you really want to be obedient to Lord in this area. When you won’t submit…you think you’re defying your husband, but you are really being defiant to the Lord God. It’s really the Lord you are submitting to, when you submit to your husband. And it’s really the Lord you are rebelling against, if you don’t. Trust the Lord in this.

Maybe you really are trying to be submissive but your husband doesn’t recognize it. If you’ve set a pattern over years of not being submissive, well, it may take time for him to see real change. Perhaps you need to ask his forgiveness.

Question: what is the difference between apologizing and seeking forgiveness?

Answer: Apologizing can be a way just to smooth things over, saying you’re sorry but you are not really. Like if you say you are sorry but you’re really not sorry, inside you’re madder than ever but say it to him just to smooth things over because he’s mad at you. When you say, “I’m sorry if what I said made you mad…” You haven’t admitted to doing anything wrong; in fact, you’ve sort of implied that you didn’t do anything, that it’s his fault because he got mad. So you’ve shifted the blame to him.

Esau lost his birthright and was sorry about losing it later—but not sorry about despising his God-given birthright. (Gen 25:30-34; Gen 27:34-36; Heb 12:16-17) Sin is disobeying God’s instruction to us. It requires more than just saying “I apologize”…it requires confession of what you did and to ALL who witnessed your disobedience: to God, to the person you sinned against, and to anyone else. James 5:16—“Confess therefore your sins one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.” It’s confessing your sin. Say it sincerely… if your kids heard you, they’re included, so ask forgiveness of them, too. Show you are repentant, not just ‘are sorry.’

A real confession consists of four things:
1. Identifying and stating what you did that was sin, and admitting that it was wrong
2. Saying you are sorry you did it
3. Asking the other party to forgive you
4. Saying you won’t do it again, or that you are trying to overcome this habit, in other words…repenting!

Pride…being afraid of others think of you…these things can cause you not to do this. Prov 28:13 says, “He that covereth his transgressions shall not prosper: But whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall obtain mercy.” It’s important to model this repentance to your kids. That God can make all things work together to good... God can use your sin…if you confess and ask forgiveness…it will model for your children how to repent when they have sinned. Show them how to repent, confess, and forsake also.

If you truly have repented, it usually will bring mercy from your husband if he sees you are sincere. It wins his respect. If it helps, ask him to tell you how to show you are submissive.

Question: Little League Baseball is starting in our town, and our 12 year old daughter would like to play. My husband sees no problem with this, but I would like to encourage her towards being a young
lady and putting away certain things. Is this an area where I should submit and not try to get him to see my way in this?

Answer: Conforming outwardly is a mommy trend, the latest way of doing things; men see it differently. Your goal should be family united in obedience to God. Having a renewed mind to find the perfect will of God in every situation. Maybe ask, honey, can we talk about the moral challenges? If yes, then talk about the ethical and biblical beliefs RESPECTFULLY. What’s the family policy?—He can then think about what he believes and talk about it. When your husband sees that you are genuinely interested in his biblical
opinion, it will change his life. If He says what are you talking about??? Well, then ask him for help with your opinion in light of biblical thinking. When he starts helping you with your opinions, to
make sure they are fully biblical, he will come to biblical convictions himself. Genuine interest in HIS biblical opinion will change his life. Help him become biblical rather that manipulating him to be so.

Question: How can I help a daughter who is a tomboy to become more feminine?

Answer: As for being more ladylike... Victoria says she pretended she was a cowboy or Indian as a young girl—she was not raised in Christian home. Neighbors worried at her example to their daughter, so they made their daughter wear dresses all the time. That girl hated it, being forced. Some of us have had, and have tried to force on our daughters, a false idea of what femininity really is.
Don’t force femininity, like wearing pink and doilies and tea sets and dolls—these things are not inherently wrong but that’s not what’s at the heart of femininity. Outward stereotypes don’t make inward femininity. Biblical Femininity is about helping your husband. Look at the examples of the Pilgrim women, or how the pioneer women helped their husbands. A biblical woman can do exciting things as she helps her husband…crocheting doilies does not necessarily denote ‘femininity’.

Books helped Victoria get through her tomboyishness—she gained a vision for what it is to be a wife, woman, and mother. They can give us a vision for how exciting and fulfilling being a woman – a wife and mother- can be. The Little House on the Prairie book series helped her, specifically the example of Ma Ingalls. Another came from a book called A Bride Goes West, which was not perfect but it is good for daughters needing a vision for being a wife/mother. Read 1st hand accounts of women of the past, and their biographies, just watch out for feminist editors distorting things. Our lives now really aren’t that hard--even with having 8 or 9 kids, compared to those mothers who went west on the Oregon Trail...or the women who raised families on the frontier...our lives are easy!

Well, our heroine for tonight is the Proverbs 31woman, verses 10-31

Verse 10—“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.”
--Knowing that God's inspired Word says that an excellent wife is more precious than jewels should be a great inspiration to wives who are aspiring to be like this. Diligently faithful, godly wives: this is how greatly GOD values homemakers even though the ‘career woman’ looks down on you so scornfully.

Verse 11— “The heart of her husband trusteth in her, and he shall have no lack of gain.”
--He trusts in you; you’ve earned it by working hard for Him. Working as a team, teamwork brings God’s favor.

(Note: Verse 12 she brings up later)

Verse 13—“She seeketh wool and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.”
--Her hands made her own cloth to make her home’s clothing. She did such a task willingly; it was not a ‘chore’ to her. She was thankful for the raw materials and a family to make all those clothes for. Have a thankful spirit—you can buy your clothes, be thankful for all those who wear the clothes--the bigger the pile, the more grateful you should be!

Verse 14—“She is like the merchant-ships; She bringeth her bread from afar.”
--She sells for a profit. The time you spend working for a bargain, these are 21st century terms: find a good deal but remember, time is also valuable, so crunch the numbers to see if it’s worth the ‘bargain’—ask your husband if he thinks it’s worth it.

Verse 15—“She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth food to her household, and their task to her maidens.”
--Well, she has maidservants, which we don’t but we DO have kids. If we take the time to train them, we have help. Yes, it’s easier to do it yourself, especially when the children are young, but really it’s an investment that will pay off handsomely for all of you if you take the time starting when they are little.

Verse 16—“She considereth a field, and buyeth it; with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.”
--She is increasing his estate but not working independently of him. Her husband trusts her to do business on HIS behalf. Example: a friend’s wife conducts business transactions for her husband on his behalf when he is too busy. Note, it looks different for each marriage but the important thing is that she IS NOT working independently of her husband but as part of a team. His counsel and blessing is on this enterprise.

Verse 17—“She girdeth her loins with strength, and maketh strong her arms.”
--This is a great verse; it refers to her emotional and spiritual strength. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God hath not given us the spirit
of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” She was a strong woman …it was her faith in God that made her strong. Her arms were strong—she didn’t shrink from physical work. The example in the Bible of Rebekah drawing water for the camels was physical work. (Gen 24:10-20) The women in the Bible didn’t just sit around in their tents. They did do physical work. It’s also good for us!

Verse 18—“She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.”
--The New American Standard Version says “She senses that her gain is good.” There’s a profit/loss statement of the business she is involved in—and she has a good profit. Also, she didn’t just do nothing, just sitting around in the evening.

Verse 19—“She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.”
--Again, we see her hands at work, this time spinning.

Verse 20—“She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.”
--She reaches out those same hands to the needy.

Verse 21—“She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.”
--Thanks to her diligence and industry, her house has appropriate clothing, things appropriate for a house whose husband sits in gates. Their attire reflects her husband as well.

Verse 22—“She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.”
--The clothing reflects on her esteemed husband, so it’s important how she/they dress/appear. (In a later session we’ll deal with this issue.)

Verse 23—“Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.”
--He trusts her so much taking care of the house that’s he’s freed up to do this!

Verse 24—“She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.”
--Another business venture.

Verse 25—“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.”
--This is a favorite verse of mine. She is full of faith, godly like Sarah who was not frightened by any fear.

Verse 26—“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”
--She is self-disciplined. She applied her mind to seek wisdom, not just to seek it but teach wisdom also. Proverbs 18:21 states, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat
its fruit.” This is a sobering verse—death and life are in the power of our tongues.

Verse 27—“She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.”
--Diligence and careful oversight are once again seen.

Verse 28—“Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:”
--She has developed and maintained a good, loving relationship with her children and husband, which, by the way, far surpasses her financial gain!

Verses 29-30—“"Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”
--Her fear of the Lord is the source of her excellence.

Verse 31—“Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.”
--Her reputation precedes her.

The Titus 2 worker at home is what she demonstrates. We see that she works at home, however, we see that she is not exclusively at
home. But the home IS her base of operations.

Looking well to the ways of her house (Proverbs 31:12)… Well, it’s a tradition in America—this brings up a question:

Question: Is the house the wife’s domain?

Answer: In one sense true--her actions center around the home. It is her headquarters but…the home is not exclusively the wife’s
domain, meaning, hers… to the exclusion of her husband's. Unfortunately with the industrial revolution, men moved out of the home and the home was no longer their base of operations also. By the 1900's wives were very much in control of the family homes.
So then…The women made ‘their’ nice homes and didn’t want their dirty husbands coming into ‘their’ clean kitchen, ‘her’ nice house. Husbands basically got banished to the workshop or doghouse. It’s disrespectful to the head of home for a wife to act that way. Eph 5 says to respect your husband. The home should reflect the mission of the husband, and his tastes and interests, and not just those of the wife. This is a way of honoring your husband and his work. It’s NOT ‘her’ home to decorate so the husband looks totally out of place in it. (She’s seen houses where they are so femininely decorated, the husbands look totally out of place in their own home.) The home we share with our husband should reflect his interests, with our loving touch celebrating and beautifying those
interests. Try choosing things he likes to decorate with.

We women need to be careful not to get sidetracked by our houses. It’s good for a home to be attractive and comfortable for guests but your objective is to be an ambassador of Christ. We have to keep things in balance, and be careful never to focus on the house at the expense of our families. Luke 10:41-42 “But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."

The home is not the focus of our attention but rather its importance and availability for hospitality and discipleship. It’s a means to an end but not the end itself. Use your house as a help to train and equip. A house says something about who lives there. Home decoration is important because it says something about us and our families. Most homes today are dominated by huge plasma screen TV ‘shrines’. We used to have God-given ingenuity in the old days before TV— doing such creative things as quilting or music playing, actually spending the time making things for the home before TV came along. Julia Child, many, many years ago, who wrote Mastering the Art of French Cooking said: "I don't think Americans would waste a perfectly good evening staring at a box."
That’s what she thought of TV. Now, sadly, though, Americans have wasted so much time in front of that TV box in the 60 yrs since she said that...

If you have finances of limited supply and the economy’s bad, a very important thing is not to let yourself feel poor. No matter now little money you have. Biblically, being poor meant that you didn’t know where your next meal was coming from. Focus on God. Millionaires often ‘feel poor’, not because they don’t have enough money but because they look at their neighbors and see what they don’t have, so they ‘feel poor’. Compared to their neighbors, they feel poor. Feeling poor is a state of mind which really has nothing to do with money. Feeling rich has everything to do with recognizing and appreciating the blessings God has bestowed on us. If we are believers, we are rich. You should ‘feel’ SO rich! Recognize and appreciate ALL the blessings God has bestowed on you in this country…so many freedoms, such as to home educate, have the Word of God, etc. Concentrate on the blessings you have-- be
thankful-- for you have many! Ask the Lord to help you recognize and appreciate them and be thankful for them! Proverbs 10:22 says, “The blessing of the LORD makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it.” Concentrate on the blessings you DO have rather than comparing yourself to people who…well, you just don’t have their stuff. How about comparing yourself to those truly poor people in Haiti for perspective? Now that’s poor!

Ps 31:21—“Blessed be the LORD, for he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me when I was in a besieged city.” Are you aware of God's love for you? Are you trying to understand the depths of it?
Have you forgotten this verse? David was besieged, which was about as bad as it can get but he was aware of God’s blessings to him in that place, that was his focus. Romans 8:38-39: “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Maybe your husband’s not be working as hard as he can to provide. My advice? Win them without a word like it says in Peter: Do not reproach your husband or complain; accept your situation and God's control over it. Phil 4:6 encourages us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”
And what does 1 Peter 5:6-7 say? “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” And remember that the Lord has the power to do anything He pleases…even to change your husband’s heart. Nothing is too
difficult for Him. Seeing you cheerfully working hard...maybe even struggling...to make ends meet will do more to inspire your husband to work harder than all the nagging in the world.

And don’t blame him for things the Lord is doing. Look at what Rachel said in Gen 30:1-2—“When Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, she envied her sister. She said to Jacob, "Give me children, or I shall die!" Jacob's anger was kindled against Rachel, and he said, "Am I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?" She accused her husband...but it was God’s doing. Maybe, regarding finances, it is YOU that is actually spending too much. Be frugal yourself, but don’t nag and scold him about the finances, which will only make matters worse. Managing your household in such a way that you can live on your husband's income is one of the most important ways you can help him. You know, now the internet can make things worse for a wife: now you don’t have to leave the house to go shopping! Being frugal is an important way to help him.

Some shopping hints/helps. Try subjecting your prospective purchases to this list before you buy:
--Can we do without it? If not,
--Can we make it, or scrounge it? If not,
--Can we swap something for it? If not,
--Can we buy it used? If not,
--Can we buy it on sale?
--Don't pay full price EVER until you have shopped around a lot and determined that there is no alternative.

Even if you ‘have the money’, you should still be a good steward of what God has given us. Whatever the cause of funds shortage, be extremely careful about covetousness. Why? Wanting more stuff is OK, right? Read Col 3:5—“Put to death therefore what is earthly
in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.” Covetousness is right up there with sexual immorality and evil desires in God’s eyes...

Question: Why is covetousness idolatry?

Answer: By coveting, we are not acknowledging God as the One who provides for us and that he DOES provide for us. When we are not content with what God has provided for us, we are finding fault with Him...even despising Him! Job 40:2 says, "Shall a faultfinder contend with the Almighty? He who argues with God, let him answer it." It is a shame for Christians to find fault with God. Look at Luke 12:15—“And he said to them, "Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." What DO our lives consist of? Deut 30:19-20: “I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you may live; you and your descendants, by loving the LORD your God, by obeying His voice and by holding fast to Him, for this is your life and length of days...” THIS is your life.

Be thankful for all of God’s blessings to you! 1 Tim 6:6 says, “Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment…” There is wealth and gain for us as Christians… that has nothing to do with
money. Choose to become rich in godliness--with contentment. Remember how to: Deut 30:20—“…by loving the LORD your God, by obeying His voice and by holding fast to Him”

Housekeeping Question: So how important is it to keep a clean house?

Answer: One problem she had with a book of advice on housekeeping: is keeping the house clean the goal? The author had far less kids, her kids went to a private school (unlike Victoria who home schooled ALL her own)—well, the author burdened others by her advice. Germs are bad, but face it, dust and clutter are not life threatening. It’s simple: Our homes should be well-kept enough to
be a good testimony. Just do your husband’s will in keeping it, how clean he wants it. Luke 10:40-42: “… Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to Him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to
help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her." Martha vs. Mary: Are we so busy cleaning we miss the good part, what God’s word says? Find a balance: germ-free but so house cleaning doesn’t eat up all your time. Streamline cleaning as much as possible.

Hints on streamlining things:
-- Do what is necessary. And only when necessary… not because it’s a certain day of the week.
--Invest in good tools which will make the work go faster.
--Develop a system which works for your family, and teach it to your children as soon as they are old enough to help.
--Try to get rid of excess belongings you don’t need or use.
--Important: Just do what you need to do to please your husband.

Don’t judge people who houses are messier, or worry about people whose houses are cleaner. Respect your mom but don’t worry about pleasing her by your housekeeping (‘just like hers!’) Yes, with little kids, it can be hard. Here’s a thought: let older daughters of yours help younger moms to manage their homes who are overwhelmed by a bunch of little ones. 1 Peter 4:10—“As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace.”

Question: Shouldn’t husbands help with the housework? Isn’t it fair for them to have some jobs too? Things like taking out the trash, and mowing the lawn, which are traditionally men’s jobs?

Answer: If they see you struggling bravely without complaining…they usually gladly will help you out. But…don’t expect him to be YOUR helper. This is a good example of biblical femininity: wives helping husbands: Victoria’s friend tries to do whatever things around the house (‘guy stuff’) that she can to free him up so when he comes home tired from work, he has been freed up for other things. This is biblical femininity. What if your husband doesn’t want you to drive, even though you think it would help get stuff done? Well, if your husband says so, learn to enjoy it.

An extremely important way you can help your husband: Avoid having expectations for things that the Bible has not said that you are entitled to. Like…him taking out the trash like your dad did for your mom. The feminist movement in all the Western nations, this drive to make everything egalitarian in the home, everything’s 50-50, including all the housework, so the two of you become petty bureaucrats squabbling…these are ALL groundless expectations. And examples like you have to have big fuss over your birthday, a certain stand of living is required just ‘because’... this is an interesting verse: 1 Tim 6:8—“But if we have food and clothing,
With these we will be content.”

Back to being managers while juggling all those responsibilities as moms: You have kids? Discipline them. You can’t keep kids in order without training your kids to obey. The bottom line is this: Your children must be trained to obey.

Follow what’s in Proverbs about children, the ‘tips.’ Here are 3 books you might want to read regarding raising children: 1). "Shepherding a Child's Heart," by Ted Tripp, 2). "Heart of Anger," by Lou Priolo, and 3). "Proverbs for Parenting," by Barbara Decker.
It does take up a lot of time, child training, but it is a good investment. Victoria remembers thinking, oh, I didn’t get my list done…floor needed scrubbed, pantry reorganized…but I DID get these things done with my kids: reprove, correct, exhort, encourage, apply Band-Aids, etc. Scrubbing floors not as important—but I’m NOT saying housework isn’t important--but analyze what’s the press need for the moment, the housework or training the kids.
Tip: Reading together teaches them to love to read…then the kids aren’t running around making messes, they’re out of trouble and each others’ hair. Doing this helps them—and you. It also instills a good habit AND it contributes to home schooling. Reading is an important way to learn—Victoria didn’t use textbooks (except to teach math) to educate her children nor did she use unit studies or a curriculum or anything, just taught them to READ a lot…

Question: Can you tell us how you spend your quiet time with the Lord? Do you read just your Bible? Do you use a devotional or reading plan? How do you find the time to read your bible alone?

Answer: Interesting question. I didn’t come from a Christian home. Her church as a young Christian emphasized having a quiet time in the morning. Psalms does say ‘early will I seek thee’. But when I married…she noticed her husband never kept his Bible on the shelf after done with his ‘bible time’, he always kept it near him, all day. No ‘put away time’ for his bible! He wore out several Bibles over the years…haha, you should see his now, very worn from all the use.

She had a ‘you have to have a quiet time’ mentality…but when she had a baby, ‘quiet time’ began to not happen. Oh she’d wait until tomorrow for ‘the perfect time’ to do it, but it wouldn’t happen and guilt set in. So she started reading aloud to her kids aloud. You know, the Bible doesn’t mention some ‘reading quiet times’ ritual—it uses words like preach, exhort, etc. Learn to read the Bible ‘in season, out of season’, ALL the time. Not just read it but LOVE it…she’ll snatch a verse while cooking supper because her Bible’s right by her. Maybe you could read it when up at night nursing the baby. You’re not a failure to not ‘have quiet times’—God doesn’t command ‘Thou must have quiet times.’

Also, your kids don’t need a child’s Bible, read the REAL thing to them. She did use picture bibles with her children when they were young for they loved looking at the pictures which made them be interested in all the familiar characters and stories. But remember, the REAL BIBLE must be read to them—it’s God’s word, not those children’s stories.
Question: My husband is a Christian, and a faithful churchgoer, but he doesn’t read Scripture with the children. Is it right for me to do it? Would it be going against his leadership?

Answer: This is a delicate situation; you need tact. Deut 6:4-7 does say: “Hear, O Israel: Jehovah our God is one Jehovah: and thou shalt love Jehovah thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be upon thy heart; and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thy house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” Even if he forbids you, you can appeal to God and him about this situation. Ask him if he’s OK with you reading the Bible with the kids, but make sure he’s clear you’re not trying to usurp his authority in the home and with them.

Pray for him and the situation. Luke 18:1-5: “And (Jesus) told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart. He said, "In a certain city there was a judge who neither feared God nor respected man. And there was a widow in that city who kept coming to him and saying, 'Give me justice against my adversary.' For a while he refused, but afterward he said to himself, 'Though I neither fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will give her justice, so that she will not beat me down by her continual coming.'" Keep persevering in prayer! And remember, James 5:16—“…The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”