True or False Love

Written by Rachel Brown*

When I was young and immature, I pretty much took love at its basic concept, as any young child does.  I loved my parents, I loved my siblings, I loved my family, and I loved my friends.  What else was there?  That was love.  It wasn't until I began to grow up that my version of loved changed (particularly due to a demolished sense of love portrayed in romance novels).  Love was that beautiful thing of romance and flowers, gazing deeply into someone's eyes, being "in a relationship" with someone, saying sweet things, being told sweet things, candlelight, and "ooey gooey mush," as some people like to call it.  However, the more I find out about true love, the more I realize that there is so much more beneath the underlying surface of romance.

My dad told me to study 1 Corinthians 13—for it is the most precise chapter in the Bible on the meaning of true love—to deepen and develop my weak understanding of what love really is.  So I took him up on it.  I have read over 1 Corinthians 13 countless times, but it was only recently that I realized how superficially I had been reading it.  I had already understood that love suffers long, is kind, is patient, does not envy, and is not prideful, but I had never fully grasped what it is like in practice.

I am at a point and time in my life when I need the best understanding of love I can possibly receive.  Too many people have made mistakes concerning love and marriage, simply because of their misconception of that little word love, and have come to regret decisions later on in life.  Many marriages have failed because people do not understand what it really takes to love someone until death do them part, especially when "real life" hits.  Love is all that beatific, romanticism into practice, but it goes so much deeper into the heart and soul of a person.  As Voddie Baucham has said:

"Love is an act of the will accompanied by emotion that leads to action on behalf of its object."

There is plenty of emotion in love, more than enough in fact at its fullest, ripest phase.  However, the true test of love is found in 1 Corinthians 13.

"Love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.  Love never faileth" (v. 4-8).

The character of love is one of the most important aspects.  As Daddy has said, anyone can romance; it takes a real love built upon the foundation of God's Word with Christ as head to last forever, even through the toughest times life brings our way [read: reality].  When I am old and gray, I still want my husband to say that he loves me just as much after fifty years of marriage as he did in the beginning, if not more.  I will have lost all earthly youth and beauty as wrinkles line my face and my hair has turned to gray, but I want him to love me just as much as ever before.  That could not be possible if our "love" was based solely on the youthful delight of passing romance.  True romance in love, however, will last forever, just like the old white-haired couple who still loves to hold hands after a lifetime together.  What could be sweeter?

From 1 Corinthians 13 we gather that love is a pretty selfless virtue.  It suffers long, is kind, patient, humble, does not envy, is not jealous, does not behave unseemly, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil, rejoices in truth not iniquity, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, and never fails. 

Love says, "I will follow you to the ends of the earth if need be, suffering in patience anything that may annoy or irritate me."  Love says, "I am willing to sacrifice my selfish desires for your needs and even wants, no matter the cost to myself."  Love says, "I will be with you through the fire, through the raging storm, as well as during the best years of our lives."  Love says, "I will be your ever constant source of hope, encouragement, faithfulness, devotion, friendship, tears, smiles, happiness, sorrow, and joy."  Love says, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."  Love says, "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things (1 Cor. 13:11).  Love says, "I will always be here for you, whatever may happen.  I am willing to lay down my life daily in self-sacrifice for you.  I will live for Christ and serve Him because I love Him most, but through loving Him I can love you more."  True love never ceases, never fails, and though sometimes it may falter or waver, Christ the architect always keeps it steady.  Love is forever.  True love is not the furtherance of self, but rather the laying down of self for others.

Oh yes, there is definitely mush in love.  That is the emotion that leads to action; the excitement that follows commitment; and the depth that cannot be measured.  True love without romance would not be love at all, for love has to have emotion.  In marriage there is deep emotion between husband and wife, just as God ordained.

Let's face it: love can be pretty blind to faults in another person.  Premature emotion can twist and distort the meaning and object of love, which is why one must be extremely cautious in applying emotional romance in courtship before marriage.  Too many times emotion blinds, until the revelation at the end ends in confusion, unhappiness, and broken hearts.  Romance in the early part of a courtship can actually be quite dangerous if it gets out of hand.  Joshua Harris, in his book I Kissed Dating Goodbye, said this:

"When we find ourselves attracted to someone, we need to make building a deeper friendship our first priority.  Too often we believe that relating in a romantic, exclusive relationship will automatically mean we'll be closer and know each other better.  But this doesn't always happen.  Although romance can be a more exciting level of relationship, it can also foster illusion and infatuation, obscuring the true character of each person involved.  Remember, as soon as we unleash our emotions in romantic love, our objectivity begins to fade.  For this reason, we need to focus on developing a closer friendship with a potential partner before introducing romance."

Every girl wants the romance.  It must be part of our womanly genetic system.  Because of this, we tend to speed things up in a friendship or courtship before marriage, when what we should be doing is concentrating on the most important: the character of the other person.  When the time comes that we have to decide on whom we marry, do we want to be confident because we have deepened the friendship and discovered the hidden person and character, or do we want to be so blinded by romance that we are rudely awakened to an unhappy and unfit marriage with lots of troubles later on?  Disaster is ripe and ready to be harvested when two people say they love each other, but both don’t truly understand what they mean.

This period of love is an extremely difficult one.  On the one hand, it can be the most glorious and fantastic time period of life.  On the other, sometimes it can be the most frustrating because we want to rush into something head-over-heels, without giving proper time to analyze and discover and grow.  Marriage is a committed covenant for life, and if the time before it is messed in in haste, we will regret it for the rest of our lives.  Caution is the best key in a beginning courtship.  In due time, if there is true love on both sides, it will bud and bring forth the most gorgeous flowers that purity can muster.

True love IS worth the wait.  Yes, it is hard to wait on the romance, and many times we make the mistake of rushing headlong into it, but it is a matter of being guided by God's wisdom and prudence, as well as the counsel of godly parents.  Is it wise to be led by emotion without realizing what true love is?  It is definitely fun, but unquestionably not wise.  God will bring forth the increase in His timing, if we are patient and faithful in doing what is right.  After all, in marriage two lovers can have all the romance that their hearts desire.

So, is it worth the wait to experience the first of everything in marriage, or is it better to go ahead and give pieces of our hearts way before it is the correct time at the alter?  Do we want to give our whole and unblemished heart to our future spouse, or just broken fragments of a once beautiful thing?

It depends on whether your love is true or false.

Rachel Brown is the oldest daughter of James and Sonya Brown.  You can read more about her on her blog, Covenant Maiden.

The Depravity of the Tongue

Today's post is written by my oldest daughter, Rachel.  It deals with a much needed topic among Christian kids today...Sibling Rivalry.  She is wise beyond her 17 years.  :)

"Lord, make me a channel of Thy peace
That where there is hatred, I may bring love,
That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness,
That where there is discord, I may bring harmony,
That where there is error, I may bring truth,
That where there is doubt, I may bring faith,
That where there is despair, I may bring hope,
That where there are shadows, I may bring light,
That where there is sadness, I may bring joy."
-St. Francis of Assisi
Let me begin with a story.

Once upon a time, in the schoolroom of an ordinary little home, there lived eight children: Temper, Impatience, Bossy, Anger, Hateful, Jealousy, Pride, and Conflict.  Unlike the happily ever after stories of fairytale books, these little children loved to quarrel and fight and argue and bicker amongst themselves.  Their names, as you can see, befit their character perfectly.  These eight children were constantly at war with one another—sometimes two against one, or seven ganging up against one, or five against two—and it seemed quite a hopeless case of self-love: each esteeming self above all the others.  What a horrible way to begin a story, aye?

Unfortunately, this is not a make-believe story. In fact, it is all too real, particularly in my family, probably in yours, and most definitely in the lives of siblings around the world.  We all share this not-so-unique common problem: sibling rivalry.  Even at seventeen years old, I am still at war with my siblings, God forgive us all.  There may be a few with whom I get along better, just as there are others with whom I do not get along quite so well.  Sometimes it is as if we are barely existing, barely getting by, and barely acknowledging one another's existence.  Then again, there are others who get along so well that most of the time it is laughter and jokes shared, though not without the occasional rift.  It is a wild rollercoaster ride of mixed emotions and attitudes—one day we like so-and-so, and the next day we like a different so-and-so—just like the little second-grader whose best friend changes weekly.

"A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle."  -Proverbs 18:19

There are many different root causes of sibling strife, but the most dominant, the ultimate root cause of all, would be self-love.  Self-love leads us to act in many ways that we should not act, and more specifically being addressed in this post, say many things that we should not say.  The tongue is the most dangerous of all enemies for the Christian, and particularly, to brothers and sisters.  The tongue is a malicious part of the human body, for it has a more destructive force than any earthly weapon.  The old saying of "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me," is the furthest thing from the truth.  Words can and do cause more pain and anguish than a thousand sharp knives that are lashed into the body.  The tongue, as James says, is a fire.

"And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell...the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison."  -James 3:6, 8

The evil, deadly poison of the tongue causes us to offend our brother, and in the verse quoted above, a brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city (Prov. 18:19).  The tongue will make or break a relationship.  If the tongue is given freedom to say whatever it wants and feels like saying, the only logical conclusion is the relationship will not last or bring forth fruit.  We are seeing an apparent lack of brotherly love among siblings, and thus the breaking of the relationships, because the tongue is loose and rampant, and has not been held in check.

"Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding."  -Proverbs 17:28

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof."  -Proverbs 18:21

"A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards."  -Proverbs 29:11


All men, because they are sinners, love the depravity of the tongue.  It gives them a taste of power and control above other men.  They can speak words that will hurt, wound, cut to the quick, bring power to self, uplift self's pride, degrade others, and create a pedestal on which they can rise above others.  Brothers and sisters love the tongue just as much as any man, perhaps even more so because it allows them to uplift themselves as better than their siblings.  The tongue is a wicked member, causing strife and discord where peace and harmony ought to reign.  Even when the tongue is bridled, more often than not a little slip of the tongue can cause the greatest damage and distress.  Whether in the heat of anger, or the quiet rest of peace, we must be wary of the tongue.

I took the following paragraphs from a post I wrote on my blog, entitled Bite Your Tongue, thinking that it fit in well with this article:

With siblings it is especially difficult to keep a watchful eye over our tongue because we are so used to saying whatever comes to our mind, and usually it is not what is acceptable (Rom.12:1).

In all of our relationships (i.e. husband, wife, father mother, child, sibling, coworker, boss, pastor, relative, friend, etc.) there is an important key to maintaining a tongue of that which is true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of good report (Phil.4:13).  Oftentimes it is a troublesome task not to just blurt out as fast as out brain thinks (which can be scary in some of our cases).  More often than not this is how relationships are damaged because we are habitually prone to say hurtful things to degrade others and promote self.  From experience I can say that the hurtful words of our mouth injures not only others, but ourselves.  We fulfill the lust of the flesh (Gal.5:16-17) when we give in to our fallen desire "to be as gods."  To achieve this, and to reconcile our own mind to the fact, we first have to make sure no one else is in the god-seat.  Dare we assume to take the place of God Almighty?  God forbid us.

We as Christians are called to be the salt and light of the earth, but if we fail in the small things, what right have we to expect the bigger blessings from God?  Too frequently we automatically expect the best things from God when we are not willing to be faithful in what we have already been given (Matt.25:14-29).  And besides, our witness to the world is shattered if we are not willing to submit every area of our lives to the sovereignty of God.  He will acquire our ultimate obedience anyway; for He is GOD (isn't there such power in His name alone?).

Just another thought for the day. Think about it. And bite your tongue.


Sometimes it seems like the only answer to the solution of an unruly tongue is to bite it, literally.  Yet how many times do we fail to do so when the need is dire?  "Let loose and live" is the motto of our tongues, and frankly, we don't seem to care what we say, particularly when it comes to our brothers and sisters.  They are the easiest to offend, the easiest to wound, and the hardest to win back.  If we truly want to become the best friends we possibly can with our siblings, one of the key elements in this reconciliation is to entrap our tongue, not by saying whatever we please whenever we please, but by bringing it captive to Christ and His Word (2 Cor. 10:5).  There is simply no other way around the matter.  Our tongue has to be controlled by Christ, or we will never accomplish the work of being ruled by kindness (Prov. 31:26).

Most of the time we don't want to be nice to our brothers and sisters.  We view them as annoying little pests who are always bothering us or getting into our stuff.  But the fact of the matter is that, well, I'm certain we can be irritating at least many times.  God ordained the home to be a happy, harmonizing place of peace and laughter, not grudges and hatred.   We have made our homes into graveyards, where only dead bones abide.  The weeds have grown up high and towering around our homes, as the roof has caved in and the foundation has been destroyed.  It is up to each individual, whether an oldest, middle, or younger sibling, to close in the gap that separates us from being friends with our siblings.  We have kept each other at arm's length long enough.  Enough is enough, for I am sure that each one of us is tired of the constant dirge of seemingly endless conflict and fighting.  Our lives will be happier, more blessed by God, and definitely more fulfilling when we settle the differences that lie between our hurting relationships, and kill the god of self that lies within us.  We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Phil. 4:13), and that includes solves the puzzle of sibling rivalry.

The answer is simple, really.  Self must be destroyed so that God may be glorified.  And in doing so, we pave the way to creating strong relationships within the family—bound together by the bonds of love that cannot be severed.  The road that leads to a truly fulfilling life is indeed difficult, but very worth it in the end.

The story I began in the beginning is not over.  It is in the working right now.  Those eight little siblings have choices to make, whether they will continue in their sin of hatred and strife, or whether they will give up their desire to war, as well as give up their pride.  Self-love is dangerous, for the end is death, and eventually one by one each person is consumed (Gal. 5:15).

The first step is to guard, guide, and yes, even bite our tongue when need be.  We don't realize how much catastrophe could be avoided if we would just watch our tongue, and instead of using it for evil, use if for good and the encouragement of our siblings.  Saying something cruel and nasty is easy enough, for it comes with our sin nature; but it takes courage to say what comes hardest to our nature, and that is something kind and edifying.  There is no doubt that the tongue is depraved.  The question is, will we fight its depravity and use it for good?

Rachel Brown is the oldest daughter of James and Sonya Brown.  You can read more about her on her blog, Covenant Maiden.

The Impending Disaster of Chaos

* written by Rachel Brown

If people looking in on the outside scrutinized our lives, even the intimate details we try to hide, would they see a wild-haired, long-clawed woman greedy for a husband, hypocritical in public, a domineering boss at home, a bore around her family, rebellious to the core, a relationship with God only embers, secretly reading romance novels and trying to pass off as a "content" daughter at home, and secretly longing to be married (as soon as possible!)?

If so, we would be denying everything we ever stood for.  Our witness for Christ would disintegrate, and our influence as a content daughter at home would have failed.  This is exactly what the feminist movement would like to happen.  And taking a quick look around our society, I'd say this is what is happening.  From the media especially we receive a distorted view of love and life.  Liberals, atheists, communists, socialists, and feminists want us to get discouraged, wreck havoc in our homes, and ultimately destroy the family as an institution; therefore destroying God—their fundamental end.  Betty Friedan, so-called "author" of American feminism, tried to misrepresent housewives as victims of patriarchy who are chained down by rules and regulations with absolutely no freedom.  We are realistically slaves who have no say in life if we are bound down by the chains of a debased home, according to world feminism.  On the other hand, we can be independent and free if we do what we want with our lives as long as we are away from the home.  Forget about men, marriage, and babies—those are called shackles, more particularly, the shackles of yesterday (remember the song from Mary Poppins?)  What we don't realize about Friedan, however, is that she was a staunch supporter of Joseph Stalin (communist dictator of Russia,1929-1953).  Isn't it kind of ironic that a stalwart supporter of feminism and women's rights (women-who-want-nothing-to-do-with-men) was also devoted supporter of a...[gasp]...man?  Another thing not commonly known among the feminist masses is that she was not a housewife herself, contrary to her stance.  Her goal was the same as the communist movement: destroy the family, destroy the church, destroy the civil institutions, destroy society as a whole, destroy the country's liberty, destroy Almighty God.

Just like a Cookie

written by Grace Brown* - Graceful Maiden

Today while cooking over the hot stove baking cookies, my first batch wasn't turning out right. Usually the first batch can sometimes be like that; flat. Crumbly.  They may taste good, but they sure wouldn't win first prize for their looks.  Then, second batch comes and they turn out a whole lot better. Third batch is even better, starts looking more round and like an actual cookie.

Well, like you are guessing, the first batch left me totally aggravated. It makes you start thinking; "What if the whole batch of cookies looks like this!"  And if you are anything like me, that sure isn't a very good thought!

I simply love being in the kitchen, but sometimes while alone I can start feeling mighty lonely. So, I turned on some music, and let my thoughts entertain me.  Well, one of my thoughts turned to my blog and what to write about next.  Then all the sudden I had an Idea, and that is-- "We are just like those cookies" 

Yes, yes, I know that by now you are laughing. I mean, us, like a cookie? What could we ever really resemble. Surely its not our smell?

Well, before you get worried; no! It is not our smell. Although, that would be rather fun wouldn't it? Smelling like a delicious cookie all the time would attract a lot of people, and make a lot of people like us, wouldn't it? But no, that isn't exactly where I was trying to go.

As I described above when the first batch of cookies doesn't turn out right, they are very crumbly and ugly looking on the outside. By looks they are nothing.  But when you bite down into the surface; when you feel the smoothness on your mouth-- its wonderful! Our lives are sorta like that.  From the outside we may feel as if we are nothing, we may feel ugly and feel like we should just throw ourselves away.

But deep down we know that we have something wonderful surrounding us; and that is God! But what about the outside? What happens then? By just looking at us everyone will think that we are a failure.

Well, the Bible says that "Man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart."  So you see, though the people around us may look on our outward appearance and judge us by our looks; God looks deeper than that. He looks to the heart.

And if our heart is full of love for him; beautiful and loyal-- that is all that matters!  And if we trust in God, and praise his name day by day, soon we shall turn out to be just like those last batches of cookies.  Soft. Beautiful. Fluffy. Or in other words; we shall be beautiful, and look like we have some great purpose... even from the outside. That is IF we will call on the name of the Lord, and just take one step at a time... with God by our side. 
  

Whether you are feeling discouraged, ugly, or like a failure.  That us just something to let you think upon for a little while.  But for now...You didn't know that you could resemble a cookie, now did you?  

*Grace Brown is the second oldest daughter of James and Sonya Brown.  You can read more about her on her blog, Graceful Maiden

Living the Impossible

written by Rachel Brown - Covenant Maiden

2010 has closed its door; 2011 has opened another.  This means God has not forsaken us, but has given us another chance at life, and another chance to live wholly for His glory.  Let's look at "living for God's glory" a moment.  1 Corinthians 10:31 says, "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." We may smile and nod our heads in righteous piety, but do we take this verse at its fullest context?  "I pray before I eat," we may say triumphantly.  Apparently we forgot to read the remainder of the verse.  You've heard that the Bible applies to every area of life?  This verse could sum it up.  Man's chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever, exactly what this verse is reminding us.   "Whatsoever ye do" doesn't mean whatever we feel like doing or whatever we want to do - it is everything.  That means how we treat our siblings, honor our parents, the music we listen to, the movies we watch, the books we read, the words we say, our attitudes, our thoughts, even the simplest chores around the house.  We want to do something big, however.  Some of us may be willing to face the jungles of Africa or the communist hostility in China, but no one wants to wield a toilet scrubber and face a dirty bathroom.  Or, we may want to work in a big company for fame, recognition, money, or even just to make a difference, but who wants to help their father in his vision and business, especially if it is small and unnoticed?  We would gloriously die on the mission field, but we don't want to live contentedly at home. We take Paul's words in Philippians 1:21 a little too far.  Sure, to die is gain for Christ.

Daughters at home can get a little discouraged sometimes.  Okay, maybe very discouraged (more than sometimes).  This is dangerous- very dangerous - because the world begins to look inviting.  We must not fall into that trap!  Daily routine becomes monotonous. Because of our restlessness and discontentment, we are grumpy, moody, and liable to be snappish.  The truth of the matter is that we are not happy with our position, and we don't want to glorify God in everything.

I'm not one for making New Year's resolutions.  I never have been.  Anything I might have "promised" myself in the past always ended in disaster, such as waking up every morning with a smile on my lips and a song in my heart.  It's always the impossible with me.  I might want to be completely loving, always honoring my parents, never quarreling [much] with my siblings, always having the right attitude in every situation, being a servant, daily displaying the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22,23), and on and on and on the list goes.  Call me crazy, but I'm a perfectionist.

Mark 10:27 and Luke 1:37; 18: 27 say the same thing: with God nothing is impossible.  So we think that, while glorifying God in the home, everything should be practically unproblematic.  We want the easy life.  Yet, if everything was easy and breezy, where would satisfaction come in?  Our character would never be strengthened, our patience would never be tried, and we would never receive a "well done" from our Master.  Life wouldn't be life without difficulty.  There would be no triumph over trials and no ultimate glory in the end.  We would be lazy good-for-nothings.

Again we take a verse out of context (many times we do this to fit our preferences, ironically).  We as infallible human beings cannot be perfect!   Everything is impossible with us because we cannot do good. (Romans 3:10; 3:23; 7:15; Isaiah 64:6)   Therefore we shouldn't expect a miracle every morning (especially at 7:00 a.m.).  However, this also doesn't mean we have the right to be a snappy grump.  Titus 2:3-5 exhorts women of all ages to be holy, temperate, loving, discreet, good, and obedient - showing us a pattern of good works.   I know from experience how hard it is to be kind and patient.  But that doesn't give us the license to be mean, cross, and irritable.  To develop a good relationship with family and friends we have to be considerate, helpful, understanding, and attentive.  If not, bitterness and strife will cause pain because of rejection.   Again, speaking from experience, people will want to completely ignore you if you haven't the right attitude.  Everyone finds irksome people a chore to get along with.  True love will find a way, however, even amongst faults. (1 Corinthians 13)

With a whole new year ahead of us, just waiting for us to taste the delicious delights pending over the horizon, we shouldn't expect the impossible.  Instead, cultivate joy and contentment even in the smallest of things.  People will be happier, and the atmosphere so much more pleasant.  Because God in His mercy and grace has given us another chance, we ought to look forward with bright eyes and a rapidly beating heart.  Only God knows what lies ahead, but we can be sure it will be something grand as long as we walk in His footsteps.

Living the impossible...
For the Crown Rights of Jesus Christ
Soli Deo Gloria!

Rachel is the oldest daughter of James and Sonya Brown.  Check out her blog, Covenant Maiden, to find our more about her.