Evenings with Victoria Botkin - Session 7 - Loving your children
Today is a special day for me, as my 4th son was born this night many years ago—the one who makes my Power Points for these sessions!
Question: My Mother-in-law and sister- in-law and went in to get me a gift certificate to the beauty salon for my birthday. When I called the girl at the salon to tell her I only wanted the haircut, she asked “Did you know they purchased color for you?” This was my initial suspicion when I first received the gift. My hair is no longer red, it is going white. I am 49. I believe in going counter-culture and not coloring my hair but my mother-in-law colors hers. I can’t politely thank her, then stuff the gift in the closet and get rid of it later as getting my hair colored is part of the package. I don’t need to be hip, so what do I do?
Answer: Well, ask your husband what he thinks. Victoria remembers she would run into people when she had a bunch of little kids all around her who would be making ungracious comments to her like, “Oh, you’re pregnant AGAIN?”… Her way of taking the wind out of their sails would be by telling them what a blessing it is to be pregnant again. Let people know you love your hair ‘this way, the way it is’, you wouldn’t dream of coloring it, AND your husband likes it that way! Joy and enthusiasm over your situation (whatever it is) are your best defense against snide remarks. Don’t let your in-laws dictate what you do, if your husband likes it that way…
Question: I home school my children and am with them for the entire day, but I am quite unsure of how much free time to allow them… the amount of time they should be spending by themselves playing outside, reading alone, playing with friends…
Answer: So, they’re fighting you and not wanting to work… You need to work with your children to train them to obey you quickly, quietly, completely and cheerfully. This is your 1st resort! Look at these verses in Proverbs: Prov 13:24 “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” Prov 22:15 “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.” Prov 29:17 “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” (I’d add also, Prov 19:18, “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.”) The seeming paradox: Spanking wins their hearts? It does for children who are consistently and lovingly made to obey, love and respect their parents. Kids appreciate boundaries and it’s a relief to them to show we love them by setting limits when they don’t know better.
And playing with friends—who are their friends and what are they doing when they are together? Do they play for the better or are they corrupting your kids? Prov 13:20 “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Even if they are family friends, keep an eye out on what they are doing together. Children don’t seem to bring out the best in each other, most of the time. Your job is to seek out good companions, which are usually older than your kids. The neighborhood kids can undermine your home school and your family by their actions. My old friends from school weren’t really friends—they did me no good at all, they were just people…to hang with. Your children do not need companions their own age to hang out with; they need wise companions. There is no reason to limit your child’s friends to people his age—this is an artificial thing we learned in public school. Older kids wouldn’t dare hang out with younger kids, younger kids wouldn’t hang out with you because you were older, so you learned to be stuck with those your age. You learned to be segregated in your friendships by both younger and older kids in school ostracizing you. In my house, my kids had few friends, but what was important was that her sons and daughters were best friends with each other!
As for free time… Giving your children free time is very important, if your they know how to use it well by being productive in their use of time—doing things like reading, playing the piano, useful things. If she saw one kid using their free time productively, she would look for another helper to do work for her—like the one not using time productively by fighting, getting in trouble. No brainless toys were brought home. I was careful in what I brought home for the children to play with…I avoided toys or games that were going to take a lot of my time to manage. Everything we had for our children to do was useful or educational. For example, we had a Game Boy once that was returned—for me as a mom, it was a pain to manage the children’s time on it, what they were actually doing on it, was it really a productive use of their time…so we got rid of it. We had lots of things like art supplies, books to read, piano to play, sewing machine and stuff for it, blankets to make tents, wood for building projects, legos, geography games, Pictionary. All our to-do stuff for kids during free time helped them learn things. Are you being productive?--Think this way about your free time. A question Geoff would often ask the children was: “Are you using the Lord’s time well?” And constant activity isn’t always productive—like just keeping the kids busy with workbooks.
Victoria is quite satisfied with her kids’ education with all they did and are doing. “I consider our home school experience a great success!” I’m not nearly as good teaching myself to do new things as my kids are!
Tonight now we’re going to talk about loving our children… especially as that relates to educating them. Learn to analyze everything—like education--from a Scriptural standpoint. Scripture absolutely talks about how to educate our children. Not ‘how to teach’ subjects like math, geography, but well, we’ll start off tonight by talking about what education is, and what it isn’t…
What it isn’t… is ‘school.’ When I say ‘home school’, I really mean home education, not ‘school.’ School means a whole truckload of stuff—as it’s an American experience. Our collective history, nostalgic experiences of childhood, the open doors of opportunity to learn things never knows before… Maybe your parents couldn’t read, so… At first education began by churches, to disciple children. Yet a ‘classroom’ is not in Scripture. The classroom model most of us grew up with…is not a Biblical model. Though the Pioneers and Pilgrims did it, if not enough adults were around to teach the kids, classroom teaching is not in the Bible. Our fuzzy memories should not be confused with the school of today—the government school today is NOT like the Founder’s little red schoolhouse. We should not confuse school with education. We are stuck with a big bunch of presuppositions about school and how to teach our children, and what to teach our children…as a result of our school experience.
Generally there’s not much difference usually between Christian private and government schools as they both have a lot of government regulation to deal with. When most of us go about starting to home school, we fall back on what we know about school… and we try to recreate it. School months? Use them to buy your materials on specials and stock up! As for desks, school clothes, saying the pledge before class, having a teacher desk up front— We do not need to recreate our school experience when we set about to educate our children at home. All we end up with is home school burnout. It’s horribly hard to do ‘school’ this way—I would call it abuse to make them sit at a desk all that time!
“The decisive dynamics which make forced schooling poisonous to healthy human development aren't hard to spot. Work in classrooms isn't significant work; it fails to satisfy real needs pressing on the individual; it doesn't answer real questions experience raises in the young mind; it doesn't contribute to solving any problem encountered in actual life. The net effect of making all schoolwork external to individual longings, experiences, questions, and problems is to render the victim listless. ..Growth and mastery come only to those who vigorously self-direct. Initiating, creating, doing, reflecting, freely associating, enjoying privacy-- these are precisely what the structures of schooling are set up to prevent, on one pretext or another.”--John Taylor Gatto, in The Underground History of American Education I highly recommend reading this book!
Deuteronomy 6 is one of the most magnificent passages of the Bible. Read it over and over and write it on your doorposts! It’s hard to read it without choking up…
Deut 6:4-9 "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
Deuteronomy 6 tells us why and how and when to home school.
Why do we home school? We home school because we are commanded by God to teach our children to love the Lord their God with all their hearts and soul and might…. Who else will possibly do that for us?
How do we teach our children to love God? We interpret God to our kids in a way—if we love God, marvel at Him and His creation, enjoy His Word…or if we find Him…boring, it’s a tedious duty obeying Him… We teach our children to love God by expressing our own love of God to them often and fervently. WE must love God.
How did we learn to love God? Mark 12:29-31 “Jesus answered, "The most important is, 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these." I prayed God would help me learn to love Him—when I first got saved and over the years even until now.
We also demonstrate to our children our love for God by our obedience to His word: John 14:15 "If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” John 14:23-24 "If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. Whoever does not love me does not keep my words…” We don’t obey to be saved, it is clear: Eph 2:8-9 “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” We want to obey God because we love Him and we eagerly seek out new things in the Word to obey simply because we love Him.
How do we read the Bible to our kids? Do we read it in a dull, flat, bored voice…or with emotion and feeling? (She reads as an example, Gen 1:1-3—“In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.”) When we read the Bible to our children, we must communicate awe and reverence. If the kids and I are raring to go outside on a beautiful spring day…do I read the word…dutifully…so we can finally get out there…or do you have enthusiasm when you read the word together before you go outside? The attitude we express towards God and His word is everything…this is how we disciple our children.
Teach your kids to notice and appreciate God’s creation. Rom 1:19 “For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.” Help them to learn to appreciate creation so they learn to love Him who created it. Teach them to look at things….to really see them…to notice things, the details… Psa 145:16 “Thou openest thine hand, and satisfiest the desire of every living thing.” Explain why God made things this way. OK, maybe you’re saying you don’t know this stuff—well, find out about it together—this is what education is all about. Take a nature walk, go collecting things, identify what you find, sketch stuff, use field guides. Has TV dulled us to the beauties of the world around us?
This is education…this is part of Deuteronomy 6, to teach when you sit, walk, lie down, rise…
Next, we see that we are to teach our children diligently. Deut 6:7 “You shall teach them diligently…” You have to make it happen, watch over and shepherd them. Teaching them to love the Lord their God is something that goes hand in glove with teaching them to read, teaching them to count, teaching them science, teaching them history…because this world which we are teaching them about…is God’s world! This is what education is…this is what it should be: teaching our children about God and His world and His dealings with men. There is no distinction between secular and sacred things, no neutral things in this world, either. We should see everything, and teach our children to see everything, in relation to God and His word. In Deuteronomy 6 we see that education is happening all the time. Doing workbooks all the time is most assuredly NOT teaching! Read things, do them together, talk about things. For example, how did you teach your kids to talk? You just did it—taught them like it says in Deuteronomy 6: you talked to them when they rose up and lay down and in the way…and they learned to talk! And English is one of the most difficult languages in the world to learn! Education is not just between ages 6-18, or from 9-3pm. Education is something that is happening to our children as they go through life with their parents...in the things they read and do together, and in talking about these things. Education is something that happens as you go through life together with your children.
You know what, you really don’t know enough to teach. Even if you have a Ph.D. from Harvard, you never will know enough. You CAN’T do it. You can never know everything there is that your children will need to know! So, teach them to teach themselves, learn for themselves; it takes the burden off your back. You may have an ignorant public school education, but you can learn with your kids if you don’t know things they want to learn! You can learn with your children! (Her kids loved doing this with her!) Rather than making lesson plans ahead of time so you can teach the kids…do it together so you learn together. You’re not putting on a front, pretending to be the teacher when…you really don’t know the things you’re supposed to be teaching. If you find yourself not understanding something, Mom, one of your children may end up explaining it to you! Shouldn’t we be interested in everything God made and all that He has said and done? Get interested in the things that interest your children. If you’re more interested in say, shopping or scrapbooking or quilting (I say this because I quilt!) as more important than being interested in the Lord and his creation, something’s wrong. Dinosaurs, Roman soldiers, volcanoes—this is boy’s stuff that they were interested in—she was interested in it too because she loved her children.
The Greek model (‘classroom’) can be an effective way to teach a large group, but it’s just not for young kids. It is your responsibility to teach them to love God, not the Sunday School teacher’s or the youth pastor’s. We can entrust others to teach our children some things. But be careful, as they may have an agenda—so stay there with your child until you are sure of what the teacher is about.
As for testing…some states do this to home schoolers. I say if a 1st grade or high school senior in your public schools can’t read—don’t expect me to hold to your testing standards! But if your home schooled kid can’t—you may get in trouble. Use the tests then to teach your kids how to think about the things that are on them from a Biblical standpoint—like the environmental stuff.
So what do children need to know? Some parents never really think about this. It’s different for every family. You and your husband should spend time talking this over and praying about this together. You should find out what is his vision for the kids’ future—what he sees as their gifts and strengths for their future vocations. If you have a family business, how they fit in. Wives can do a lot to encourage their husbands to think about these kinds of things by a few well-asked questions—with the right attitude.
Our children are to be ambassadors of the Lord, disciple makers, so they need to know the Scripture well. 2 Tim 2:15 “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.” Do a lot of reading and memorizing Scripture. Children CAN memorize whole books of the Bible. I tried to do memory verse cards which got chaotic with all the kids, the disorganization caused them problems in memorizing anything…so we gave that up.
They must know how to read and write well. Reading and writing are the foundation of our children’s entire education. Reading aloud to your children is probably the single most important thing you can do to teach them to love learning. We read a lot in our house, morning to evening. Not just reading or reading to but reading with. One of best investments we made: beyond helping them learn to love books, it strengthened our relationships…because we had shared something. Because we did it together and shared our thoughts about what’s read. Older kids can listen while sewing or doing projects, too. Try it. You may not be an out-loud reader, but practice helps you learn to do it.
If they can’t teach reading in public school well, how can I… People are afraid of teaching reading. The reason why the public schools fail is because the system departed from teaching phonics. Teaching reading is not hard; you can do it! There were no computers or state-certified reading specialists for thousands of years...and many in the old days learned to read by just using the Bible. Professionals have made a bogeyman out of reading so you think you need a trained professional to teach it. The best resource for teaching reading that I ever encountered is Alphaphonics by Samuel Blumenfeld. It’s available from Chalcedonstore.com All it requires is a child, a copy of Alphaphonics, and someone to be the teacher. I used this simple book for all my kids.
We didn’t just learn phonics on ‘school days’—we even learned on weekends. You know, we never made it to the end of the book, not with any of the kids, because once they got the basics down, they wanted to read real books then. You can make your own phonics readers, make your own kids’ stories if you want, or let the kids make their own easy reader books. Frog and Toad ones, Little Bear ones were good early readers they found; the non-fiction ones we liked best. Learning the sounds of the letters—putting the sounds together to make words takes longer, but this is real reading. Reading out loud this way at first can be agonizingly slow, but be patient and help them.
Learning to write. When young, she self-taught her children on dotted-line paper how to form letters which they then copied. The nice hand writers of her kids learned by copying her, not the special writing books. Most people use computers now, but they need to learn how to write anyway. The thing that really teaches children to write well is practice.
I would have my kids keep a journal at first, and give them ideas for what to write about. Have them copy misspellings from a separate paper—don’t correct on their journal pages, let them correct themselves. Let them leave their errors and watch them progressing, but talk about the errors and what they need to change and it will happen. One of the things I hoped to teach them, in keeping a journal, was to appreciate the importance of everyday life. Are some days boring? We need to be training our children to see God’s blessings on us every day….this is one of the most important lessons of all!
Like around age 10 my boys did encyclopedia reports, one a day, on what they thought interesting. How I taught my daughters to write…I had them write me a one-page summary of what they had read that day for history. (The girls were around12 & 14.) They would read the assignment then hit their notebook and realize they didn’t remember a thing and have to go re-read it. It helped them figure out to read and remember it the first time around. What was the importance of this? It taught them, not just how to write, but how to be better readers. It taught them to analyze…to read critically…not just to memorize facts. Have you seen what they blog? I often get asked, how did you teach them to write? Well, now you know.
How did you find suitable books for your children to read?...
Well…some Christian authors are better avoided I find. Some non-Christian ones are OK. I found books written in the 1940’s and 1950’s are much more likely to be usable than books written in the1970’s and 1980’s. One way to solve the problem of questionable books: read the book aloud together if you’re not sure of it and verbally edit or just chuck it if the book gets really bad. Little House book series is her favorite. Just remember, no book but the Bible is perfect…and this is an important lesson in itself. What about the Little House TV show? The one time we watched it, she remembers Laura and Mother were acting completely out of character with the book, so… Henty and Ballantyne books are good reads. It’s better to read a few excellent books, again and again, than to read a wide variety of mediocre books. Another advantage to reading books aloud, is that you can read books that are probably too advanced for your children. You can explain as you go, which makes it even more educational!
Just to mention, we didn’t use textbooks at all except for math—which was the Saxon math series. Algebra 1 wasn’t fun for her, as she didn’t understand it, so…the kids began figuring out the math for themselves. Your kids’ future determines how high the math they need…. The point being, if, for some reason, one of my children needs Calculus later…well, they know how to read, they know how to teach themselves, so they can learn it when and if they need it! And all the computer programming, music abilities, etc., they know were taught to her kids not by her but by themselves! This is what it means to be an educated person: being able to teach yourself whatever you need to know.
Studying science: Many moms don’t think it’s exciting. We were taught, you know, things evolved, we’re just accidents, there’s no meaningful design, we’re just part of a great meaningless existence. Why should or would we be interested in studying something that is devoid of meaning? But…studying this earth we live on, and the sun and moon, and stars, and the weather, and the seasons, and all the creatures and plants of God’s creation, and how they all interact …is something completely different…this is something that is extremely interesting! For example, if your son sees the sun’s rising and is not asking why, then ask him about it…and if you don’t know why it’s rising, look things up together. These are interesting mysteries…and the answers are marvels…
The World Book encyclopedia is a great resource…it contains the answers to many of your child’s questions. Getting a brand-new set is not necessary, you can use an older one. Field guides for identification are good resources. Try collecting specimens and watching things in nature. Usbourne science books don’t have a creation perspective--you add it in--but they are good resources. Answers in Genesis and Institute for Creation Research have many good books from the creationist standpoint.
Teach your children to have an enquiring mind. Your child needs to learn to notice and appreciate the wonders around us. This is part of worshipping God…Scripture is full of passages that teach us to appreciate the creation: Psalm 111:2 “Great are the works of the LORD, they are studied by all who take delight in them.” Psalm 8:3-9 “When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet, all sheep and oxen, and also the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea, whatever passes along the paths of the seas. O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!”
I think we can help our children have a more reverent and worshipful attitude by having one ourselves. Stop a few times a day, just a minute, to praise the Lord. Psalm 56:6-7 “Oh come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the LORD, our Maker! For he is our God, and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand.” There are no formulas to be a better Christian, but taking opportunities to give thanks will revolutionize your life. Psalm 50:23 “The one who offers a sacrifice of thanksgiving honors Me; to the one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of God!"
Teaching history: It’s my favorite subject! I hated history in school and the textbooks. There is a shortage of good ones written for kids. Reading the Bible is a good introduction to the history of the past for little ones. Start teaching history from the present and work back to introduce the past. A good way to start introducing the concept of the past to young children is have Grandmother and Grandfather tell the child how life was when they were young. The Little House books also a good introduction to help to connect with real people back then. Old Yeller is good also.
Do I have a favorite author of historical fiction? Well…often historical fiction writers impose modern attitudes and speech on actual history. Most historical fiction then is suspect. One author shines. Our favorite children’s non-fiction history books were by Genevieve Foster. Her books on George Washington, Caesar, Columbus and John Smith are excellent. She never put words in her subject’s mouths, but only wrote what they actually said, so the books are truthful. She does not make up dialog for the people in her books. The things her books say are all based on true accounts of other people who heard them say it, or written accounts. Most historical fiction puts words in their characters’ mouths that they did not actually say but are modern takes on what the authors think, not historical facts. Foster was not necessarily biblical but good in that way.
Authors tend to take history and sanitize it for kids, so there’s not much left to say, as some history is so complicated, it’s better to leave it until a child is old enough to understand all the factors and motives involved. One of my favorite history books is Paul Revere’s Ride, by David Hackett Fisher. Make history come to life—the books written for older kids, adults, books like the Little House series, Foster’s books; read real non-fiction history books! Read about people from history. My kids read all over, not necessarily in chronological, historical order but they did put history together themselves and figured it out. Take advantage of the teachable moment. When they want to know something…is the best time to tell them.
I forgot to mention that with math, I always corrected wrong answers.
I gave the kids lots of freedom to study what interested them. I didn’t use a scope and sequence. You might say, but what if they miss something they need to learn? Well, don’t YOU have ‘gaps’ in your learning even though you went to public school? Get serious...
In summary: Talk and pray with your husband about your children’s education, dig in with your whole heart and take one day at a time. Wondering how it will all work out? Trust…“God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:19)--as you step out in faith. Matt 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Phil 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
Question: My Mother-in-law and sister- in-law and went in to get me a gift certificate to the beauty salon for my birthday. When I called the girl at the salon to tell her I only wanted the haircut, she asked “Did you know they purchased color for you?” This was my initial suspicion when I first received the gift. My hair is no longer red, it is going white. I am 49. I believe in going counter-culture and not coloring my hair but my mother-in-law colors hers. I can’t politely thank her, then stuff the gift in the closet and get rid of it later as getting my hair colored is part of the package. I don’t need to be hip, so what do I do?
Answer: Well, ask your husband what he thinks. Victoria remembers she would run into people when she had a bunch of little kids all around her who would be making ungracious comments to her like, “Oh, you’re pregnant AGAIN?”… Her way of taking the wind out of their sails would be by telling them what a blessing it is to be pregnant again. Let people know you love your hair ‘this way, the way it is’, you wouldn’t dream of coloring it, AND your husband likes it that way! Joy and enthusiasm over your situation (whatever it is) are your best defense against snide remarks. Don’t let your in-laws dictate what you do, if your husband likes it that way…
Question: I home school my children and am with them for the entire day, but I am quite unsure of how much free time to allow them… the amount of time they should be spending by themselves playing outside, reading alone, playing with friends…
Answer: So, they’re fighting you and not wanting to work… You need to work with your children to train them to obey you quickly, quietly, completely and cheerfully. This is your 1st resort! Look at these verses in Proverbs: Prov 13:24 “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” Prov 22:15 “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.” Prov 29:17 “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” (I’d add also, Prov 19:18, “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.”) The seeming paradox: Spanking wins their hearts? It does for children who are consistently and lovingly made to obey, love and respect their parents. Kids appreciate boundaries and it’s a relief to them to show we love them by setting limits when they don’t know better.
And playing with friends—who are their friends and what are they doing when they are together? Do they play for the better or are they corrupting your kids? Prov 13:20 “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Even if they are family friends, keep an eye out on what they are doing together. Children don’t seem to bring out the best in each other, most of the time. Your job is to seek out good companions, which are usually older than your kids. The neighborhood kids can undermine your home school and your family by their actions. My old friends from school weren’t really friends—they did me no good at all, they were just people…to hang with. Your children do not need companions their own age to hang out with; they need wise companions. There is no reason to limit your child’s friends to people his age—this is an artificial thing we learned in public school. Older kids wouldn’t dare hang out with younger kids, younger kids wouldn’t hang out with you because you were older, so you learned to be stuck with those your age. You learned to be segregated in your friendships by both younger and older kids in school ostracizing you. In my house, my kids had few friends, but what was important was that her sons and daughters were best friends with each other!
As for free time… Giving your children free time is very important, if your they know how to use it well by being productive in their use of time—doing things like reading, playing the piano, useful things. If she saw one kid using their free time productively, she would look for another helper to do work for her—like the one not using time productively by fighting, getting in trouble. No brainless toys were brought home. I was careful in what I brought home for the children to play with…I avoided toys or games that were going to take a lot of my time to manage. Everything we had for our children to do was useful or educational. For example, we had a Game Boy once that was returned—for me as a mom, it was a pain to manage the children’s time on it, what they were actually doing on it, was it really a productive use of their time…so we got rid of it. We had lots of things like art supplies, books to read, piano to play, sewing machine and stuff for it, blankets to make tents, wood for building projects, legos, geography games, Pictionary. All our to-do stuff for kids during free time helped them learn things. Are you being productive?--Think this way about your free time. A question Geoff would often ask the children was: “Are you using the Lord’s time well?” And constant activity isn’t always productive—like just keeping the kids busy with workbooks.
Victoria is quite satisfied with her kids’ education with all they did and are doing. “I consider our home school experience a great success!” I’m not nearly as good teaching myself to do new things as my kids are!
Tonight now we’re going to talk about loving our children… especially as that relates to educating them. Learn to analyze everything—like education--from a Scriptural standpoint. Scripture absolutely talks about how to educate our children. Not ‘how to teach’ subjects like math, geography, but well, we’ll start off tonight by talking about what education is, and what it isn’t…
What it isn’t… is ‘school.’ When I say ‘home school’, I really mean home education, not ‘school.’ School means a whole truckload of stuff—as it’s an American experience. Our collective history, nostalgic experiences of childhood, the open doors of opportunity to learn things never knows before… Maybe your parents couldn’t read, so… At first education began by churches, to disciple children. Yet a ‘classroom’ is not in Scripture. The classroom model most of us grew up with…is not a Biblical model. Though the Pioneers and Pilgrims did it, if not enough adults were around to teach the kids, classroom teaching is not in the Bible. Our fuzzy memories should not be confused with the school of today—the government school today is NOT like the Founder’s little red schoolhouse. We should not confuse school with education. We are stuck with a big bunch of presuppositions about school and how to teach our children, and what to teach our children…as a result of our school experience.
Generally there’s not much difference usually between Christian private and government schools as they both have a lot of government regulation to deal with. When most of us go about starting to home school, we fall back on what we know about school… and we try to recreate it. School months? Use them to buy your materials on specials and stock up! As for desks, school clothes, saying the pledge before class, having a teacher desk up front— We do not need to recreate our school experience when we set about to educate our children at home. All we end up with is home school burnout. It’s horribly hard to do ‘school’ this way—I would call it abuse to make them sit at a desk all that time!
“The decisive dynamics which make forced schooling poisonous to healthy human development aren't hard to spot. Work in classrooms isn't significant work; it fails to satisfy real needs pressing on the individual; it doesn't answer real questions experience raises in the young mind; it doesn't contribute to solving any problem encountered in actual life. The net effect of making all schoolwork external to individual longings, experiences, questions, and problems is to render the victim listless. ..Growth and mastery come only to those who vigorously self-direct. Initiating, creating, doing, reflecting, freely associating, enjoying privacy-- these are precisely what the structures of schooling are set up to prevent, on one pretext or another.”--John Taylor Gatto, in The Underground History of American Education I highly recommend reading this book!
Deuteronomy 6 is one of the most magnificent passages of the Bible. Read it over and over and write it on your doorposts! It’s hard to read it without choking up…
Deut 6:4-9 "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
Deuteronomy 6 tells us why and how and when to home school.
Why do we home school? We home school because we are commanded by God to teach our children to love the Lord their God with all their hearts and soul and might…. Who else will possibly do that for us?
How do we teach our children to love God? We interpret God to our kids in a way—if we love God, marvel at Him and His creation, enjoy His Word…or if we find Him…boring, it’s a tedious duty obeying Him… We teach our children to love God by expressing our own love of God to them often and fervently. WE must love God.
How did we learn to love God? Mark 12:29-31 “Jesus answered, "The most important is, 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these." I prayed God would help me learn to love Him—when I first got saved and over the years even until now.
We also demonstrate to our children our love for God by our obedience to His word: John 14:15 "If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” John 14:23-24 "If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. Whoever does not love me does not keep my words…” We don’t obey to be saved, it is clear: Eph 2:8-9 “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” We want to obey God because we love Him and we eagerly seek out new things in the Word to obey simply because we love Him.
How do we read the Bible to our kids? Do we read it in a dull, flat, bored voice…or with emotion and feeling? (She reads as an example, Gen 1:1-3—“In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.”) When we read the Bible to our children, we must communicate awe and reverence. If the kids and I are raring to go outside on a beautiful spring day…do I read the word…dutifully…so we can finally get out there…or do you have enthusiasm when you read the word together before you go outside? The attitude we express towards God and His word is everything…this is how we disciple our children.
Teach your kids to notice and appreciate God’s creation. Rom 1:19 “For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.” Help them to learn to appreciate creation so they learn to love Him who created it. Teach them to look at things….to really see them…to notice things, the details… Psa 145:16 “Thou openest thine hand, and satisfiest the desire of every living thing.” Explain why God made things this way. OK, maybe you’re saying you don’t know this stuff—well, find out about it together—this is what education is all about. Take a nature walk, go collecting things, identify what you find, sketch stuff, use field guides. Has TV dulled us to the beauties of the world around us?
This is education…this is part of Deuteronomy 6, to teach when you sit, walk, lie down, rise…
Next, we see that we are to teach our children diligently. Deut 6:7 “You shall teach them diligently…” You have to make it happen, watch over and shepherd them. Teaching them to love the Lord their God is something that goes hand in glove with teaching them to read, teaching them to count, teaching them science, teaching them history…because this world which we are teaching them about…is God’s world! This is what education is…this is what it should be: teaching our children about God and His world and His dealings with men. There is no distinction between secular and sacred things, no neutral things in this world, either. We should see everything, and teach our children to see everything, in relation to God and His word. In Deuteronomy 6 we see that education is happening all the time. Doing workbooks all the time is most assuredly NOT teaching! Read things, do them together, talk about things. For example, how did you teach your kids to talk? You just did it—taught them like it says in Deuteronomy 6: you talked to them when they rose up and lay down and in the way…and they learned to talk! And English is one of the most difficult languages in the world to learn! Education is not just between ages 6-18, or from 9-3pm. Education is something that is happening to our children as they go through life with their parents...in the things they read and do together, and in talking about these things. Education is something that happens as you go through life together with your children.
You know what, you really don’t know enough to teach. Even if you have a Ph.D. from Harvard, you never will know enough. You CAN’T do it. You can never know everything there is that your children will need to know! So, teach them to teach themselves, learn for themselves; it takes the burden off your back. You may have an ignorant public school education, but you can learn with your kids if you don’t know things they want to learn! You can learn with your children! (Her kids loved doing this with her!) Rather than making lesson plans ahead of time so you can teach the kids…do it together so you learn together. You’re not putting on a front, pretending to be the teacher when…you really don’t know the things you’re supposed to be teaching. If you find yourself not understanding something, Mom, one of your children may end up explaining it to you! Shouldn’t we be interested in everything God made and all that He has said and done? Get interested in the things that interest your children. If you’re more interested in say, shopping or scrapbooking or quilting (I say this because I quilt!) as more important than being interested in the Lord and his creation, something’s wrong. Dinosaurs, Roman soldiers, volcanoes—this is boy’s stuff that they were interested in—she was interested in it too because she loved her children.
The Greek model (‘classroom’) can be an effective way to teach a large group, but it’s just not for young kids. It is your responsibility to teach them to love God, not the Sunday School teacher’s or the youth pastor’s. We can entrust others to teach our children some things. But be careful, as they may have an agenda—so stay there with your child until you are sure of what the teacher is about.
As for testing…some states do this to home schoolers. I say if a 1st grade or high school senior in your public schools can’t read—don’t expect me to hold to your testing standards! But if your home schooled kid can’t—you may get in trouble. Use the tests then to teach your kids how to think about the things that are on them from a Biblical standpoint—like the environmental stuff.
So what do children need to know? Some parents never really think about this. It’s different for every family. You and your husband should spend time talking this over and praying about this together. You should find out what is his vision for the kids’ future—what he sees as their gifts and strengths for their future vocations. If you have a family business, how they fit in. Wives can do a lot to encourage their husbands to think about these kinds of things by a few well-asked questions—with the right attitude.
Our children are to be ambassadors of the Lord, disciple makers, so they need to know the Scripture well. 2 Tim 2:15 “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.” Do a lot of reading and memorizing Scripture. Children CAN memorize whole books of the Bible. I tried to do memory verse cards which got chaotic with all the kids, the disorganization caused them problems in memorizing anything…so we gave that up.
They must know how to read and write well. Reading and writing are the foundation of our children’s entire education. Reading aloud to your children is probably the single most important thing you can do to teach them to love learning. We read a lot in our house, morning to evening. Not just reading or reading to but reading with. One of best investments we made: beyond helping them learn to love books, it strengthened our relationships…because we had shared something. Because we did it together and shared our thoughts about what’s read. Older kids can listen while sewing or doing projects, too. Try it. You may not be an out-loud reader, but practice helps you learn to do it.
If they can’t teach reading in public school well, how can I… People are afraid of teaching reading. The reason why the public schools fail is because the system departed from teaching phonics. Teaching reading is not hard; you can do it! There were no computers or state-certified reading specialists for thousands of years...and many in the old days learned to read by just using the Bible. Professionals have made a bogeyman out of reading so you think you need a trained professional to teach it. The best resource for teaching reading that I ever encountered is Alphaphonics by Samuel Blumenfeld. It’s available from Chalcedonstore.com All it requires is a child, a copy of Alphaphonics, and someone to be the teacher. I used this simple book for all my kids.
We didn’t just learn phonics on ‘school days’—we even learned on weekends. You know, we never made it to the end of the book, not with any of the kids, because once they got the basics down, they wanted to read real books then. You can make your own phonics readers, make your own kids’ stories if you want, or let the kids make their own easy reader books. Frog and Toad ones, Little Bear ones were good early readers they found; the non-fiction ones we liked best. Learning the sounds of the letters—putting the sounds together to make words takes longer, but this is real reading. Reading out loud this way at first can be agonizingly slow, but be patient and help them.
Learning to write. When young, she self-taught her children on dotted-line paper how to form letters which they then copied. The nice hand writers of her kids learned by copying her, not the special writing books. Most people use computers now, but they need to learn how to write anyway. The thing that really teaches children to write well is practice.
I would have my kids keep a journal at first, and give them ideas for what to write about. Have them copy misspellings from a separate paper—don’t correct on their journal pages, let them correct themselves. Let them leave their errors and watch them progressing, but talk about the errors and what they need to change and it will happen. One of the things I hoped to teach them, in keeping a journal, was to appreciate the importance of everyday life. Are some days boring? We need to be training our children to see God’s blessings on us every day….this is one of the most important lessons of all!
Like around age 10 my boys did encyclopedia reports, one a day, on what they thought interesting. How I taught my daughters to write…I had them write me a one-page summary of what they had read that day for history. (The girls were around12 & 14.) They would read the assignment then hit their notebook and realize they didn’t remember a thing and have to go re-read it. It helped them figure out to read and remember it the first time around. What was the importance of this? It taught them, not just how to write, but how to be better readers. It taught them to analyze…to read critically…not just to memorize facts. Have you seen what they blog? I often get asked, how did you teach them to write? Well, now you know.
How did you find suitable books for your children to read?...
Well…some Christian authors are better avoided I find. Some non-Christian ones are OK. I found books written in the 1940’s and 1950’s are much more likely to be usable than books written in the1970’s and 1980’s. One way to solve the problem of questionable books: read the book aloud together if you’re not sure of it and verbally edit or just chuck it if the book gets really bad. Little House book series is her favorite. Just remember, no book but the Bible is perfect…and this is an important lesson in itself. What about the Little House TV show? The one time we watched it, she remembers Laura and Mother were acting completely out of character with the book, so… Henty and Ballantyne books are good reads. It’s better to read a few excellent books, again and again, than to read a wide variety of mediocre books. Another advantage to reading books aloud, is that you can read books that are probably too advanced for your children. You can explain as you go, which makes it even more educational!
Just to mention, we didn’t use textbooks at all except for math—which was the Saxon math series. Algebra 1 wasn’t fun for her, as she didn’t understand it, so…the kids began figuring out the math for themselves. Your kids’ future determines how high the math they need…. The point being, if, for some reason, one of my children needs Calculus later…well, they know how to read, they know how to teach themselves, so they can learn it when and if they need it! And all the computer programming, music abilities, etc., they know were taught to her kids not by her but by themselves! This is what it means to be an educated person: being able to teach yourself whatever you need to know.
Studying science: Many moms don’t think it’s exciting. We were taught, you know, things evolved, we’re just accidents, there’s no meaningful design, we’re just part of a great meaningless existence. Why should or would we be interested in studying something that is devoid of meaning? But…studying this earth we live on, and the sun and moon, and stars, and the weather, and the seasons, and all the creatures and plants of God’s creation, and how they all interact …is something completely different…this is something that is extremely interesting! For example, if your son sees the sun’s rising and is not asking why, then ask him about it…and if you don’t know why it’s rising, look things up together. These are interesting mysteries…and the answers are marvels…
The World Book encyclopedia is a great resource…it contains the answers to many of your child’s questions. Getting a brand-new set is not necessary, you can use an older one. Field guides for identification are good resources. Try collecting specimens and watching things in nature. Usbourne science books don’t have a creation perspective--you add it in--but they are good resources. Answers in Genesis and Institute for Creation Research have many good books from the creationist standpoint.
Teach your children to have an enquiring mind. Your child needs to learn to notice and appreciate the wonders around us. This is part of worshipping God…Scripture is full of passages that teach us to appreciate the creation: Psalm 111:2 “Great are the works of the LORD, they are studied by all who take delight in them.” Psalm 8:3-9 “When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet, all sheep and oxen, and also the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea, whatever passes along the paths of the seas. O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!”
I think we can help our children have a more reverent and worshipful attitude by having one ourselves. Stop a few times a day, just a minute, to praise the Lord. Psalm 56:6-7 “Oh come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the LORD, our Maker! For he is our God, and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand.” There are no formulas to be a better Christian, but taking opportunities to give thanks will revolutionize your life. Psalm 50:23 “The one who offers a sacrifice of thanksgiving honors Me; to the one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of God!"
Teaching history: It’s my favorite subject! I hated history in school and the textbooks. There is a shortage of good ones written for kids. Reading the Bible is a good introduction to the history of the past for little ones. Start teaching history from the present and work back to introduce the past. A good way to start introducing the concept of the past to young children is have Grandmother and Grandfather tell the child how life was when they were young. The Little House books also a good introduction to help to connect with real people back then. Old Yeller is good also.
Do I have a favorite author of historical fiction? Well…often historical fiction writers impose modern attitudes and speech on actual history. Most historical fiction then is suspect. One author shines. Our favorite children’s non-fiction history books were by Genevieve Foster. Her books on George Washington, Caesar, Columbus and John Smith are excellent. She never put words in her subject’s mouths, but only wrote what they actually said, so the books are truthful. She does not make up dialog for the people in her books. The things her books say are all based on true accounts of other people who heard them say it, or written accounts. Most historical fiction puts words in their characters’ mouths that they did not actually say but are modern takes on what the authors think, not historical facts. Foster was not necessarily biblical but good in that way.
Authors tend to take history and sanitize it for kids, so there’s not much left to say, as some history is so complicated, it’s better to leave it until a child is old enough to understand all the factors and motives involved. One of my favorite history books is Paul Revere’s Ride, by David Hackett Fisher. Make history come to life—the books written for older kids, adults, books like the Little House series, Foster’s books; read real non-fiction history books! Read about people from history. My kids read all over, not necessarily in chronological, historical order but they did put history together themselves and figured it out. Take advantage of the teachable moment. When they want to know something…is the best time to tell them.
I forgot to mention that with math, I always corrected wrong answers.
I gave the kids lots of freedom to study what interested them. I didn’t use a scope and sequence. You might say, but what if they miss something they need to learn? Well, don’t YOU have ‘gaps’ in your learning even though you went to public school? Get serious...
In summary: Talk and pray with your husband about your children’s education, dig in with your whole heart and take one day at a time. Wondering how it will all work out? Trust…“God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:19)--as you step out in faith. Matt 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Phil 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
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